First sentence kind of sounds like an RP action. Some more description of the scene here might fix this. "/Aria's/ journey" Really nailing it in here that her name is Aria. "of Etherville/ the capital // Marenveil/ came" Need some commas in here an an "of"
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Fantasy · ShyLunaria
"/sleeveless/ vest" Vests are sleeveless. "trails that /falls" just above" tense error. "black /finger less/ gloves, /darken/ leather /booths/"
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Fantasy · ShyLunaria
"her /spear/ tipped" Before this was described as "pear tipped", does she have two? One for bludgeoning one for piercing? "her pair of /blacken/ horns" "behind your /ears/" X "hollow /blacken/ horns which /replaces the standard humanoid ears/." Her ears, that she doesn't have! Bamboozled!
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Fantasy · ShyLunaria
"creep /trough/ the cracks" "The golden rays of dawn" "littered in the Dawn's light" Consistent capitalization, intentional?
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Fantasy · ShyLunaria
"as a time worn silver bracelet." What the bracelet doin'? "voice slowly /got/ softer and" The rest of this sentence is in present tense,
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Fantasy · ShyLunaria
"Woolen pillow // which // needlework" I feel like an "of" and "the" are missing here.
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Fantasy · ShyLunaria
Plants haven't been mentioned in this scene before so "several /more/ ambitious plants" is somewhat out of place. Unless the point here is to denote that there are more plants than last time she was here which if true should be possibly be clarified. "have slowly /begin/ to reclaim" should be "begun"
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Fantasy · ShyLunaria
"along /its its/ length" "she continued /trough/ the sand" Also some usage of commas here would be, whilst not entirely necessary, good for sentence flow.
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Fantasy · ShyLunaria
The second sentence here has tense issues; dusted, contrasted, covers. past, past, present.
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Fantasy · ShyLunaria
Grammatical tense issues: "in the /shaped/ of a shield" Plural issues: "dark purple /iris/ which inspects"
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Fantasy · ShyLunaria
This appears to be a question but has no ?.
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Fantasy · ShyLunaria
Target Acquired. I'll look through more of this later. Need to get some dinner ♥
Whispers of The Ethereal
Fantasy · ShyLunaria