DaoistJ2BfOl

To much ia

+1

Ia

There are several things he overlooks, if Hanabi is a junior to Hinata, it means that when she graduates, Hinata will be marked with the seal of the bird. which would completely change the plot. second, if you make an au, don't do it for the sake of it and listen to things carefully, third, if we talk about possibilities ino is the best girl you can have. fourth, don't put weird pods of kekei geniai or kekei tota. I think that handling, fencing, water, lightning, seals and taijutsu puts him in a solid kage

My friend, I don't want to be bad, but in truth the novel doesn't advance anything. It's been a while and the chapters seem to deal with thousands of points of view, which doesn't help at all... it's just advice,

Ia friend, you abuse the AI, and you make the plot cardboard

Too much ia

Friend, you use a lot of AI.

You're going very fast, you practically finished a book in 20 chapters of a thousand words, that's nothing knowing that dune original had six times that amount of words. Also, the protagonist you don't focus on the protagonist very well, I don't know who Jack is, other than a viewer. The way it goes, it's going straight to the slaughterhouse, and you don't want that to happen, and it will only be the power of the script.