Badges 6
Moments 1235
*her
So, you must imagine my annoyance at the whole situation and with my emotions out of control as they were, I tried to take it from him by force but obviously I couldn't, I was or rather am a colt I couldn't even reach him, so I could only give him a look or a pout as I imagined taking the spoon from him.
Unicorn destiny: equestria is magcal
Anime & Comics · shin_guzman
well this certainly is different for a my little pony fanfic but I guess it could be interesting . Although if he starts to act all happy go lucky then yeah this prologue would be so out of place and even a wasted backstory .
"How rude," was the man's last coherent thought before darkness consumed him.
Unicorn destiny: equestria is magcal
Anime & Comics · shin_guzman
this would've Ben the best system story ever if he chose no.
This paragraph has been deleted.
ONE PIECE: MONKEY D MORI
Anime & Comics · shshsh01
then from where should I start reading to not have to leave comments like these again.
"Artoria?" Lancelot said, seeing his Lord
Fate/Juggernaut
Anime & Comics · greenbaypitbull
what Astoria ? since when did Lancelot knew about her real name and by extension her gender ? also why would he call her by name and not "my king", he's her freaking knight not her equal. yo man you really have problems with staying consistent with the time period.
"Artoria?" Lancelot said, seeing his Lord
Fate/Juggernaut
Anime & Comics · greenbaypitbull
yep even though it's still pretty good grammical errors are still obvious to see. Although you said in the synopses that there would be such problem it doesn't mean it should stay that way man.
ch 0 2 Chapter 1: Born of an icy wasteland
Eternal winter(League of Legends)
Video Games · ValikMurigov
needs some fixing, the grammar is pretty sub par .
ch 0 1 Thalron Veridian
Star Wars: Senator
Movies · L0rds2278
what? can't it just be normal ??
ch 0 4 Learning the Art of the Blade
Mushoku Tensei: Second Son
Anime & Comics · TempestNotion
okay but what about the others?
ch 0 4 Learning the Art of the Blade
Mushoku Tensei: Second Son
Anime & Comics · TempestNotion
it's a pretty good story you just need to work more on the dialogue, it feels pretty robotic and monotone.
ch 0 2 Fleeting Moments and Lost Opportunities
Mushoku Tensei: Second Son
Anime & Comics · TempestNotion
huh, I guess you did say that he appears to be 10. but you should know that you should still say that even though he appears like that he's still 5 to avoid any future misunderstanding also this is just a tangent of mine but to authors have to making their mcs who are young appear like they're 5 to 10 years older than they should be, it's cool to have the mcs look their age, nothing says bigger has to always mean stronger or better, having the strength but in small body has more charm and interest to me than the unnaturally big type .
These past two years have been what many would call eventful and dangerous. Ever since I returned from my first hunt, I managed to persuade Astoria and Deacon to allow me to go hunting once a week. The downside is that since that day, I stopped going hunting with Deacon because he doesn't know my true strength, and according to him, we would only go hunting for rabbits. So, I flatly refused, using the excuse that every young person gives to their parents - that I was no longer a child who needed to be taken care of.
Arisen in marvel
Movies · Writermood
wait if only two years have passed then he should be 5 not 10 .
These past two years have been what many would call eventful and dangerous. Ever since I returned from my first hunt, I managed to persuade Astoria and Deacon to allow me to go hunting once a week. The downside is that since that day, I stopped going hunting with Deacon because he doesn't know my true strength, and according to him, we would only go hunting for rabbits. So, I flatly refused, using the excuse that every young person gives to their parents - that I was no longer a child who needed to be taken care of.
Arisen in marvel
Movies · Writermood
so I guess I should expect this to be nothing serious like before .
The Nameless smirked, but it faded rather quickly "Died to Tiamat." a venomous amount of sarcasm dripped from his next words "Who would've thought that rizzing Beast II is not the best idea? But noooo, her mommy milkers were irresistible. His words, not mine."
Fate/Gaia's Counter-Guardian
Anime & Comics · Goddess_Nihility
if that's really what you think than you really are underestimating bubblegum. Also true he is a shadow but doesn't mean he can't be contained in a room or a contraption that's always emitting light and as for his teleportation from what I understand unless there was shadow nearby he can't do it.
ch 0 4 [|Ch.3 Wandering|]
Adventure Time: Shadow Elemental
Anime & Comics · SirRandom
I'd take her as more of an unfeeling sadist then anything for what we know she did to shirou than some sassy other worldly being to be honest.
[A/N: I know, technically, Alaya is supposed to be more robotic, but I thought it would be more interesting to give it more personality. A being who is the unconsciousness of humanity and is a driving factor of their survival who is just fed up with them being dumb but still takes care of them. Like an overworked babysitter dealing with a population of dumbasses who are all on a path to destroy themselves]
Fate/Broken Reality
Anime & Comics · Emiya_Official
well yeah that's true but she's still the most dangerous out of the three in the long run plus he went to her in his weakest and most vulnerable state and that's just dumb no matter how much you want to down play it.
ch 0 4 [|Ch.3 Wandering|]
Adventure Time: Shadow Elemental
Anime & Comics · SirRandom
okay what? is it just me or is this just some fancy words that don't really explain what his semblance actually do .
Not only are you the guiding light of your family Mr. Branwen, but you've become a living manifestation of a beacon. A lighthouse those seek after to find refuge. You will be given this ability once you are reincarnated into Quincy.
RWBY: Yang's Bad Boy Brother
Others · QuincyBranwen
your fanfic lacks dialogue my dude, while your writing style is good without more dialogue and more interactions with the other characters the ponies in the story don't really feel alive and seem more a passing mention.
ch 0 2 Chapter 1: a lot of things happened
Unicorn destiny: equestria is magcal
Anime & Comics · shin_guzman