The world building and plot is really interesting. I'm really enjoying the unique setting. Still I feel like you're telling the reader too much instead of showing us naturally. There are a lot of info dumps that seem unnatural or irrelevant to the plot. Other than that it's a pretty solid beginning and I'm excited to read more.
ch 0 1 Chapter 1: Enter Navar Okayasu! The Child Who Dreams of Becoming a Warrior
Fantasy · Daniel_Lane_4048
Pornographic Content Hate or bullying Release of personal info Violence Spam Other
The world building and plot is really interesting. I'm really enjoying the unique setting. Still I feel like you're telling the reader too much instead of showing us naturally. There are a lot of info dumps that seem unnatural or irrelevant to the plot. Other than that it's a pretty solid beginning and I'm excited to read more.
ch 0 1 Chapter 1: Enter Navar Okayasu! The Child Who Dreams of Becoming a Warrior
Ozania Odyssey
Fantasy · Daniel_Lane_4048