Moments 2
2yr
Commented Some criticism I have to offer is the story is all over the place. I mean there’s no reasoning to why someone did something or why something happened. And second and last, when the dialogue was going on you didn’t have to say “[name] said.” Every time.
ch 0 3 The Soulpower System
Jake Graye and the weird adventures that follow.
Fantasy · Yumnugget_The_boi
There was no story development besides writing what happens after a certain action as you think. The character design was decent not any criticism worth saying on that. But the world background. You didn’t even try, you should try to describe the world. You didn’t do that any. I would have been ok with it if you had described the world to a certain degree at least what the surrounding areas are or what they look like. I’m done with this review. And after all I’ve said you should keep writing. To improve and get better.
Jake Graye and the weird adventures that follow.
Fantasy · Yumnugget_The_boi