Webnovel Author: Ecargmura - Novel Collection

The device can materialize food, but it has to be inside a storage. Food is limited in a journey, hence why he eventually ran out and had to munch on magical ice cubes and snow.

Lavender Eyes

Fantasy · Ecargmura

Ecargmura

11mth

Replied to Khondokar_Sindeed

I don't mind as long as it's good

Ecargmura

11mth

Commented

I think you should be consistent with the name changes. If Akio is now Seo-Jin, you should keep on using Seo-jin instead of Akio. I noticed you keep using Akio, his previous life's name, in this new world where he got reincarnated. I think it would be best if you give Yuna and Ayaka some personality. I'm curious about how trandescence magic works.

Ecargmura

11mth

Commented

AH! HE'S SEO-JIN IN THIS WORLD, NOT AKIO!

Ecargmura

11mth

Commented

This chapter is a little longer than your previous ones. It's okay. I like long chapters. This one is a bit more descriptive with the magic system and such. I'm quite curious about the weaknesses of Transdescence, Null and Tear magics.

Ecargmura

11mth

Commented

Sorry, a little nitpick since I'm Korean, but Korean surnames are always one or two syllables and then their two or three syllable given name. Haneul-Seong is a bit inconsistent. That would mean Haneul would be his surname, which is not an actual surname. Seong is okay as either a surname or a given name. Is his given name Haneul and his last name Seong? If so, there's no need for the hyphen in the middle. You can do Seong Haneul or Seong Ha-neul if you want to use it the Eastern way. If you want to write it the Western way, it should be Haneul Seong without the hyphen.

Ecargmura

11mth

Commented

Previous life has a Japanese name. Reincarnated life has a Korean name. The companion spirit has a Japanese name. The setting feels like a Western fantasy with RPG elements. I'm not too familiar with isekai novels, but I do want you to be more descriptive with characters. What does Noroi look like? What does Seo-jin look like? Where is he exactly? You did a good job building up the fact that he's in a new world.

Ecargmura

11mth

Commented

Okay, so he is in the same world but in the future. What is the name of this world?

Ecargmura

11mth

Commented

I would recommend using an italics font generator for thought quotations. It's kind of hard to distinguish thoughts with actual dialogue if you keep using quotation marks for both.

Ecargmura

11mth

Commented

Is he in the same world? Different world?

Ecargmura

11mth

Commented

Good premise so far. I just wish you were a bit more descriptive. What does Akio look like? What does the Ripper look like? What does the room he was reincarnated into look like? Does Akio look the same after reincarnation? This is the first chapter, so I hope that the descriptiveness will be prevalent in later chapters.

Ecargmura

11mth

Commented

I think it'll be better to describe where he is a bit more. Unfamiliar ceiling does mean he's in a room. I understand that much. What kind of room is he in, though? A bedroom? Jail cell?

Ecargmura

11mth

Commented

So, Akio was reborn into a Korean character but there are still characters that use Japanese names?

Ecargmura

11mth

Commented

Is the Ripper a person? Monster? Shapeless blob?

Webnovel Author: Ecargmura - Novel Collection

Ecargmura

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