bobarella_1234 - Profile

It just kind of loses focus early on, I like the writing and all, but the character just kinda suck overall, even if they aren't bad people. also, there's a pijt at which you shouldn't make something too powerful or it just ruins a story, and the system in this novel is too powerful

I'm not sure about later chapters, but you seem to just want things to go a certain way without any reason. One day, he's an incompetent prince that everyone dislikes. The next day, everyone likes him, and no one questions why he suddenly changed. it just feels like you're trying to force what you want to happen without there being any real reason for him to change. Also, you introduce random people out of nowhere and give us no context for who they are. Finally, you seem like you're trying to slow the pacing down to make it longer, but at the same time you want everything to go fast, so you just make things that should takes months or weeks happen in like a day. It's very disorienting. However, you have very good grammar and punctuation, so it's actually not impossible to read.

I like the writing style, it's good and it has relatively good grammar and punctuation. the problem is you're trying to mix a character who is overpowered and a character who has no power and acting like they would make the same decision and mistakes. But what really gave me a problem was how complicated you made it so early on. It felt like you were trying to make the book one of those really big worlds that are really complicated without putting in the effort to write hundreds or even a thousand chapters. I think this story has great potential, but you need to think about your spacing and the type of character you want.