Dewi_Muhfiyanti - Profile

Dewi_Muhfiyanti

LV 1
2021-08-21 Joined Global

Moments 16

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

rephrased

This paragraph has been deleted.
Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

rephrased

A calm air was absorbed by the schoolboy as he locked his eyes towards his step-parents: Uncle Sasaki who wore a greyish t-shirt and white short pants, Aunt Chisato and who wore a sunny yellow dress in front of him. Also, Hirata, who wore a pink t-shirt and black short pants that covered her knee, joined her parents with a bothersome expression

Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

rephrase

This paragraph has been deleted.
Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

rephrase

This paragraph has been deleted.
Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

well-tidy... rephrase

Unbeknownst to his left side, there was a tall old man with a tiger claw scarred face and single red hair that looked like a torch. He wore a well tidy, red gentleman suit and fakely coughed up. Sparror looked to the left in shock at the old man's presence.

Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

rephrase

Hatoshi put his hand down willingly after the moon watched him and a confident gaze turned around his body to the opposite side. He grabbed the chin and realization rang through his shocked eyes.

Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

rephrase

A small red open door ramen restaurant that had the people eating in front of the cooking, had holographic sumo proudly presenting the bowl full of fresh worm-like noodles and other ingredients usual in Ramen, shone the neon light the most compared to others. Hatoshi and Yuna were occupied the two rectangular, wooden chairs closed to each other and stared at the empty bowl couple, sat on the elongated wooden table with satisfaction glaring after tasting their delicious ramens.

Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

*cooking

A small red open door ramen restaurant that had the people eating in front of the cooking, had holographic sumo proudly presenting the bowl full of fresh worm-like noodles and other ingredients usual in Ramen, shone the neon light the most compared to others. Hatoshi and Yuna were occupied the two rectangular, wooden chairs closed to each other and stared at the empty bowl couple, sat on the elongated wooden table with satisfaction glaring after tasting their delicious ramens.

Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

rephrase

This paragraph has been deleted.
Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

rephrase

This paragraph has been deleted.
Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

*second - overwhelming rephrase

This paragraph has been deleted.
Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

rephrase couple-shifted

This paragraph has been deleted.
Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

*seal - seat, rephrase

This paragraph has been deleted.
Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

if you wish not to go to school.......

This paragraph has been deleted.
Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

*faces; *repaired; *hatoshi - dropping

This paragraph has been deleted.
Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

Dewi_Muhfiyanti
Commented

maybe toning down a bit

Hatoshi took a very deep breath until his lung joined to go up and released air. He opened the clenching fist and a line of tears shredded from his seemingly determined looks.

Sparror Volume 1

Sparror Volume 1

Fantasy · JJ_Prakoso

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