Badges 8
Moments 560
same issue, lack a period at the end of the paragraph
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this story's in 3rd pov, right? if it is, then using "us humans" can be confusing cause that's like in 1st pov. Instead, use "the humans" or "the people"
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I recommend separating these into short sentences rather than 1 long sentence that's equivalent to a whole paragraph
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Almost forgot, about your book cover, the art is nice but it looks more like a fan art than a book cover—probably because the book title isn't readable. The book cover is the first thing a reader sees so you have to make your book title noticeable at first glance.
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UPDATE: There's still room for improvement in terms of writing. Also, I feel like you're too focused on the action (not just the literal fight scenes) but the events I guess? I can't think of a better word for it. I know quite a lot of readers (especially the new ones) like to see actions asap but if you really want to attract loyal readers, I suggest take it slow. Take time in the worldbuilding and make your characters more fleshed-out (Don't make them characters that are just there to highlight the mc's prowess. Make them have more personality, make them have specific traits, or write their backstories to make them feel more alive. Remember that it's not always the protagonist that the readers like/fall for.) Another one, I still suggest to create a separate chapter on the auxilliary volume for your ranking system so that the readers can go there and reread in case they forget something.
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scouting is often used for hunting...I recommend using "sensing danger" instead
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I get the point you're conveying here but rather than "strongest", I think "using our fists" would be better...cause fists are more synonymous to "physical fighting" than strongest
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"fallen student" can be indicative to "dying" or "died". I recommend using "lying on thr ground"....He picked up his student, who was lying on the ground. (You can also put more here...something like the appearance of the student (was his clothes dirty? did he have any injuries? you can also combine the hair color and its condition...like: "His thick red locks were tangled in a mess, a few wet strands falling on his forehead drenched in sweat)
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Nonetheless, what you've written is already comprehensible
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Also, this is my suggestion, but you can also go something like this: "Your techniques have improved. You're also more composed now than before." Their teacher commented. A proud smile adorned his (put a descriptive here) face as he complimented, "You're doing better, Kai. Well done."
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I think rather than cooler, it would be better if the adjective is "calmer" for composure
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or maybe...talk about action/fighting scenes. What makes them thrilling for you? Do you prefer the MC always winning or do you think it's better if the MC loses sometimes cause not knowing who's gonna win makes it more exciting?
ch 0 4 WARNING: CRINGE AHEAD
Honest opinion on cliches and stuff
Realistic · DaoistGuHIG6
About the topic, hmm...maybe you can talk about what you think in regards to descriptions? Like what do you prefer: the writing style that gets descriptive or the writing without too much descriptions? Or what makes a writing considered as "too descriptive" in your opinion...something like that
ch 0 4 WARNING: CRINGE AHEAD
Honest opinion on cliches and stuff
Realistic · DaoistGuHIG6
The point is, Azarphy already thought Emery was his!
I transmigrated to a mafia character from a BL Dark novel!
LGBT+ · Take_the_Moon