Jay285 - Profile

in chapter 6 it said that the protagonist didn't have a system storage and used a storage ring he got from the system as a reward, while in this chapter he's got a system inventory, might wanna fix that. enjoying the story a lot so far, nice work!

Tftc!

Story's amazing so far, can totally see myself getting attached to these characters over time, great job! One thing I've noticed though, is the lack of physical character descriptions. Hair and eye colour, physique, height etc. Doesn't have to be too detailed, just enough to help visualisation, takes away a bit from the immersion when a character is just described as beautiful or something and you're unable to conjure up an image to associate them with. Just hair and eye colour can make a pretty big difference in the impression a character gives off too, might also give the heroines another layer of uniqueness and make them more distinguishable from each other. Using the fact that it's a novel world could give you some freedom with colours, just something to consider. Anyways, tftc!

Personally, I quite like the pacing so far.Despite not a lot having happened in these 2 chapters, we already have a decent idea of the mc's character and what to expect from him - he's willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of his duty and/or family, and he's got some competence since he was previously a soldier. That's a lot more on the mc than we usually get in these types of novels lolHis fiancée also has a bit more personality than simply being capable and being predisposed to disliking the mc, so that's a bit refreshing too.Usually character depth gets sacrificed as pacing increases, and the plot tends to end up rather dry after a certain point, so I think sprinkling characters' personalities(beliefs, principles, worldviews, etc) here and there to go alongside their actions helps immersion a lot, and is totally worth keeping the pace on the slower side, which we don't see a whole lot in these types of novels.Anyway, although there's not a lot to go by so far, this novel seems to have potential, so looking forward to it and tftc!