Maadz - Profile

I'd also like more emotion. Like why did he want to become a director? What made it his dream? What were his emotions when he was working towards it? How does he feel about graduating with honors? Is he feeling proud of himself? Or is there a note of uncertainty now that he's finally aiming to take that plunge from going from an author to hopefully a director?

Hey, honestly really like this story so far, and I'm eagerly looking forward to reading more. I have a few suggestions regarding your writing to help it flow better. First I'd like to see more consistent use of tenses. If you use one tense in a longer segment, stick to it throughout that segment. Example: 'My initial capital of around 10 million grew to a little over 25 by the time I was ready to graduate' 'My initial capital of 10 million had grown to over 25 million by the time I was graduating' Second suggestion: You're kind of inconsistent with filler-words. Sometimes you use them when they're not needed (like 'then'), and sometimes they're missing. And one additional thing here that would make a big difference is to find places where you can shorten a 15 word sentence to 10-12 words instead. And I have a good example for this one: '...bedroom apartment where he was living on rent' could've been '...bedroom apartment he'd been renting.' I'd also recommend getting Grammarly as a plugin when writing, I use it and it helps a lot when writing. There are more things, but the two points I've already mentioned should be a good starting point if you want to improve your writing technically. On the content though, I'd really like to get a better read on the characters thoughts and feelings. Why he's making the decisions he's making, how he's writing things. Which emotions he's trying to convey with his works. Huh, not sure how well written this review came out, you asked for feedback, and I found this when I was on my phone, so it's what I'd found you could try to work on after just reading these two first chapters. But once again as I said in the beginning, I'm looking forward to where this journey is headed :)

Honestly, this is great. I could read this just from the character interactions, the characters feel three-dimensional and real, it's simply enjoyable. And yes, as some of the other reviews noted, the grammar and language is simply great, and enjoyable to read. The story so far is interesting, even though we're quite early into it. The only point I deducted is from world-building, but I suspect it's slowly being built up, in quite a sneaky way. (I approve). Now, the only thing lacking is more chapters where we get to see more outside the MCs family.