nice new rewritten chap, this current chap feels better than the last chap, since the old chapter is just speedrunning the story that it doesn't give a feel to it, that dialogues feels forced and plain. Nice improvement, continuous improvement is good for you and to this fanfic
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The premise and the idea of the story is nice but the pacing of the story is too fast, like it doesn't even last for a minute or 5, dialogue feels meh and there's no depth, it's plain, but this can be changed, I believe that this story has potential
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mama, help, im scared
"I'LL SUCK OUT EVERY LAST DROP OF YOUR LIFE!!!"
Action · shinchan192037
Or maybe, more likely, the appearance of a lunatic degenerate who preyed on men had created a shared bond among all the guys here. An unspoken pact.
Action · shinchan192037
OH NO DIDDY!!!
'That bastard's a sexual predator.'
Action · shinchan192037
The hypocrisy
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DEATH FLAG?!
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"Damn it, George.." Arthur called toward the door, not even trying to mask his exasperation. "We're coming!"
Anime & Comics · FrenzyAren
Daryl stood beside him, looking ready to kill the first person who so much as glanced his way. His arms, shirt, face, and even the crossbow on his shoulder were streaked with blue and red paint.
In The Walking Dead as Itachi Uchiha ?! (TWD)
TV · 1_Amethyst_1