Badges 1
Moments 12
Should be "I bet he didn't even hear what we said" aside from my usual antics with catching spelling errors I just wana mention I've been LOVING this chapter, so far, I think its my favorite, it's got my type of comedy and story progression in it!
"I bet he didn't even hear what we say," commented Seodra, placing her hands on her hips.
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Fantasy · Hero_DarkyDark
AAAAAAA so many things got answered this chapter, only to be replaced with 10 times the amount of questions! healthy doses of humor and world building are ever prevalent, foreshadowing clearing being set up in multiple spots, and a cliffhanger that makes me eager for chapter 5! brilliant work as always!
ch 0 4 A Strange New World
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Fantasy · Hero_DarkyDark
"and the classics of someone being way too entitled" Karens in purgatory?! are we SURE we aren't in hell? XD
The duo had traversed the marketplace a bit, seeing all the common antics that take place. People arguing over prices, the quality of the good, not knowing what something does, and the classics of someone being way too entitled. But alongside them, there were people performing tricks, playing with fire, and doing whatever shenanigan they could to attract potential customers to be interested in what they're doing. It breathed in a nostalgic feeling walking through it all, back at a simpler time where things felt more lively. If the sky weren't a common reminder, he might've forgotten that this wasn't earth.
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Fantasy · Hero_DarkyDark
"But something tells me they're not faking it because there's no goddamn an actual grown man would choose that color and go out proud of it." should probably be "But something tells me they're not faking it because there's no goddamn reason an actual grown man would choose that color and go out proud of it."
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Fantasy · Hero_DarkyDark
"Some buildings that were built is there" could probably be worded to "Some Buildings that were built are there"
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Fantasy · Hero_DarkyDark
A crazy new world, Im appreciative for the story easing both the character and reader into this new plain of reality slowly, lots of exposition this chapter being balanced out by comedy and a self aware twist where even the main character seems to get fed up with the talking and eventual request to continue what he was doing whilst alive, instead launching the story into a far less predictable future! I thought It was a great way to keep readers guessing and eager for the next chapter.
ch 0 3 Welcome to the Afterlife
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Fantasy · Hero_DarkyDark
A really funny chapter! Made me laugh a lot! I thought the lead up and foreshadowing to the death was really well done! the short scene of the end of the battle the mysterious wanderer had served as a warning to tragedy that was fast approaching, a chapter that was riddled with lighthearted moments having this shadow of death over it, like a tension the reader is waiting for just under the surface, and when it finally strikes it's immensely satisfactory!
ch 0 2 What A Dreadful Day To Die
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Fantasy · Hero_DarkyDark
small typo, "civil discussed" should be "civil discussion"
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Fantasy · Hero_DarkyDark
A Great introduction! Im hooked and intrigued by the many plot points set up here, and im interested to see where you take them! Thanks for sharing the first chapter with me, I like the use of subversion of expectations, getting us to build a bond with a character, to build feelings for them before their death, one that while functionally is insignificant, is thematically telling and symbolic of the world being built up. one of tragedy and constant strife, much like our own world, and yet all the same in the first half of the chapter, shown to be very much unlike our world, it shows this duality of realism and fantasy that makes the story feel professionally crafted and well thought out, I eagerly await Chapter 2!
ch 0 1 What is Life?
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Fantasy · Hero_DarkyDark
small typo? "Two-thirds of makes up reality" should probably be "Two-thirds of what makes up reality"
Horrendous! Two-thirds of makes up reality, mired in unawareness and ignorance. No solace could be taken in our knowledge of the mortal plane either, as there are still many properties we've yet to realize or want to accept. Simply, horrendous.
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Fantasy · Hero_DarkyDark
LOVED this chapter! its the best one yet by far, the others were all great but this one I think really caught my interest! Eagerly awaiting what comes next!
ch 0 5 Absent Minded
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Fantasy · Hero_DarkyDark