the_goat_4880 - Profile

I mean there's not much to say about this one, it's a pretty good (cultivation or magic, your power levels sound magic but I don't know lol?) set in kingdom fantasy novel . All generic but it's good. Author is generally good in writing but punctuation is not good, there are some errors and parts where it is awkward and does not flow well. Can definitely be improved. Characters are very shallow thus far, consider developing them because even now 6 chapters in they feel 2D despite you spending so much screentime on them and giving so much world description. The constant POV changes in first person are very awkward and ruins immersion, it can be executed better, may just be me but I found using first person strictly for one character and third person for the rest to be much better and more immersive from a readers perspective.

This is a very lighthearted take on what should be a dark story, and not in a bad way. The introductory dialogue gives some idea about the world but could set the stage better. I wonder where you are going with the system. Simply writing that the end goal is for him to become living may be boring. Consider spicing it up (despite being lighthearted.) The grammar is generally quite good. There are a few errors around ellipses, especially in a quotation. You don't need to double ellipses interrupted quotations, nor do you capitalise unless it starts a new sentence or is a proper noun. Please do not use brackets, and this is not an error per see, but you should use appropriate speech tags when someone is exclaiming, don't say: he said, either use an exclamation attribute or do not use speech tags at all. This is just an example. Also, saying dead lived is contradictory; you can't live while dead, lol. You may want to change your wording. Promising start, keep going.

An exciting take on superhero and supervillain trope, moral ambiguity, I like it, stick on that route, and you will make something good, the author is quite good with his words, and except for a few errors that did not affect the flow of the writing, there is no problem. Too early to judge or give much feedback, but what's been depicted thus far is very promising.

Really good story, unique and interesting, characters are well written and developed, plotline flows well and generally there are no mistakes

Don't usually read romance but this was pretty enjoyable, the main character is strong willed, much better than trashy weak willed throughout whole story type of mc, descriptions and execution of plot points done well too, what drags the story down is the mediocre writing quality, I can tell the author tries hard in his descriptions and depictions but wether it is because of English being a secondary language or lack of knowledge on the written word, the word choice and sentence structure is not that great, quite a bit of grammatical errors too, I would recommend you work on your writing quality, because everything else is good.

It's an interesting premise that was executed pretty well, characters interactions are good and the revenge subplot is ok too, just skimming through the chapters I can immediately see the problem with the story is with the actual writing quality, other than that it's a pretty well developed web fiction

Plot and characters are well developed, described and fleshed out, minimal writing errors, despite being a common genre, arrogant young masters and revenge is always good.

This is a good web fiction, like you are aware the first 3 chapters are way too slow and become boring because everything is overdescribed to the point that you just want to skip it, another negative thing is that your paragraphs are too long, the premise is intriguing and scenes are all well done with good description. Word choice is good A lot of potential.

Many parts just either don't make sense, or are poorly written (sentence structure and word choice) would be my only real complaint about the story. The fact that the author wrote the main character as an extension of herself, wether true or not, added something else to this fiction that I liked. The characters actions can be quite humourous, in that they act ridiculously and that is enjoyable to read (even if it may not be what you were aiming for), as someone who doesn't enjoy straight romance I can say this novel is pretty good for what it is.

Pretty good story, the only letdown is writing quality, some parts are hard to understand due to word choice, flow can be interrupted because of bad sentence structure, and improper use of grammar

After getting Into the novel, I immediately identified gramatical and word choice errors in the first chapter in the second paragraph you wrote "The thing he was proud of was that he was intelligent had good locks and took great care of his body, so his body was toned, but he was a bit lazy and didn't feel like studying so, he started doing stocks exchange and investment but, ohh boy did he made a bucket of money just through that." This whole paragraph is poorly written and does not make sense, and the same can be said for much of the story, wether it is because english is your second language, or simply lack of knowledge, I recommend you find some online resources on the subject of written English if you want to improve your writing skills. I did this before as I greatly struggled with grammar. I would have written this paragraph as "However, he was proud of his intelligence and good looks, he took great care of his body, so his body was toned, but he was a bit lazy and didn't feel like studying, so he had gotten into the public commodities market where he had made a fortune." - I cannot give you ways to rewrite all of your paragraphs better, that part is upto you, ignoring the writing quality, the plot is enjoyable to follow, I like the comedy especially Zhang's stupidly comedic character. The story reminds me of many well known comedic xanxia mangas, if you can fix the writing quality I don't see any other problem in this unique take on a common genre.

When first getting into the story, there are some immediate errors that present themselves, in chapter 1 in the forth paragraph "Slight crackling of twigs somewhere far deep in the forest caught his attention" Does not make sense, and could be rewritten as "The slight crackling." Slight errors like this as well as obvious improvements to word choice and gramatic errors are abundant in the novel. I recommend you proofread and edit all the chapters you have released and proofread especially more on unreleased chapters. Other than that I like the way you add a lot of expression into the dialogue, as many stories fail in this department , the actual interactions are ok, I'm not super impressed. The thoughts and development of the emotions and feelings between the characters are pretty well done, overall the story is pretty good, areas of improvement (without changing the story) would be in word choice, pacing and fixing the abundant errors. I hope you will not be angry with this realistic review even if it isn't 5 stars, as I know I would appreciate something like this.