Writer_7812549 - Profile

cool...................................................................................................................................................

There is a lot of good things and bad things about it Writing quality is coherent enough to understand the word of choice is simple sometimes complex but enough to understand making it feel good to read and the world background is decent, you try to stay consistent and to deepen the lore without losing the consistency and I really like how the story changes because of Horizon it feels really realistic too However that is all the good things I'll have to say Character design well uhm it's shit Horizon is a piece of garbage look I know you like evil mc's but I don't and when you make a character like that it's very hard to like him. He talks shit about everyone as if he doesn't care. He's a large hypocrite I'd get that there's character flaws in everyone but when he stays ignorant to his own mistakes for a very long time it decreases value to the story and he doesn't even redeem it with anything like intelligence or anything that can make him more likeable because he's a bit too overpowered there is no enemies that can give him a challenge that can show his intelligence, sometimes he is smart but sometimes he's dumb. He's really ignorant if he considers some profession weak like that chapter where he says therapy is for weak people but it makes him really retarded because when he has no knowledge whatsoever and he still rants on about it, it's a personal opinion but it just makes him really ignorant and an asshole. And when Midnight breaks down in that chapter it feels unrealistic because she is a Pro Hero and has seen comments much harsher than that. The crush that Momo and Jiro has for him also feels unrealistic I don't feel he's the type that they would fall in love with but that's my personal opinion but who knows right. Also the side characters feels shit too it's not because of their personality but how the time they are on your fanfic feels short maybe because you spend too much on too many characters that's fine but i feel like you should at least make them express their personalities a bit more and make me feel more care towards them because there is nothing I should care about in this fanfic not the mc or any characters in here and also about Deku he should be given more time because I feel like it is so short for him to appear in the chapter, which is like what? bro isn't he the 9th user of OFA one of the most important character in MHA, however this is just a personal opinion however it feels like a waste Story development... is also shit because of the garbage characters and the very slow pacing it feels terrible. I'm not going to wait 200 chapters to witness character development or anything to make the story feel somewhat better. And also it feels there is no rising conflicts that feel somewhat exciting maybe because of the usage of OCs are limited. With such an overpowered mc I don't feel like there is going to be a antagonist that is going to challenge him in any way. It also doesn't FEEL like the mc works hard, I know he does works hard because you wrote it into him but when there is nothing to threaten him then doesn't that hard work go to waste because it doesn't feel fulfilling in any way because there is no tension in the air that makes it feel rewarding. In short Writing quality is pretty good, world background is decent enough, you made the mc too much of an asshole and overpowered, didn't spend time to characters that also matter making them feel unimportant and unrealistic, story pacing is amplifying the terrible qualities even more no conflict, nothing that feels exciting

Cool. you really didn't pull any punches. The Writing Quality feels great, not perfect, but not over the top and considering in this platform where writing is almost nonexistent it might as well be perfection (5) Stability of updates is great( 5) Some character development should feel a bit forced but you made it natural.(5) Character design is great, you made a realistic scumbag, and a realistic person which is MC, You should add a POV to the girls so as to make the antagonist more of a scumbag and the girls less 2d. (4) World Background is also great, it's a perfect copy but you made it seem more realistic because of a genius move to make it different (5)

Hmm, cool thanks. I half expected you to scream online on twitter on how i was the worst ever. But thankfully there is some reasonable people out there that actually WANT to learn. thank you for accepting my review and taking it into full consideration, and I hope you make a better or the greatest book ever. Thank you and may the God of whichever religion your in bless you. have a happy day!

You know kind of messed up when the gf did that, what a shitty gf. HMMMMMMM! Hey author can you make it so that the bf knew what the gf did and then make the bf break up with gf, and then gf turns into antagonist and bf is like "if i were to reverse time i would go back to the day i met you and stayed home" and killed the final boss(gf). But I'll give you an idealistic answer. It's very abnormal that the gf did that considering they are from normal world and the bf and gf is a teen, You should've made it so the bf and gf was more normal, so as to make story feel more natural and it could add to the couple's character growth and their relationship, so you should put more obstacles in their life to make it harder so they could mature more. And make the characters like rudeus and the other more major not just as a side character, put a difference in the timeline like a butterfly effect, so that even the minor actions can make the story feel more realistic. And also make the world background more different than just in the anime and manga Writing Quality: It's not bad and I've seen worse but it makes them seem fake or you know like a robot or sentient AI trying their best to imitate human emotion but failing miserably. So three (3). Stability of Updates: It's not consistent but it's not that long buuuut it's still shit. So two (2). Story Development: It looks bad where it's heading but I don't know if you even tried to make a good creative fanfic or book or novel or whatever you wanna call it(I really don't know). So I'll give it a fair three (3). Character Design: Like I said it's Illogical and makes them a bit 2d and makes them seem like an anime character you know considering their from earth where no sweatdrops and over-the-top dramatic falls exist. And you didn't add much of a prologue and backstory about their relationships So I can't see why I give a shit about their lives, the only thing I know is Gf is obsessive (what I meant was psychopathic) and innocent (oops I meant idiotic), so innocent in fact that she was so dumb to give him a curse-like ability to make him revolted if he touched anybody except her, she didn't realize that she didn't set a limit, so if he was revolted the moment mama and papa touched him, he could've died from too much pain(But you knooow, our favorite hero saves the day again and HIS NAME ISSSS PLOOOOT ARMOR!!!!!!! *Add John Cena Sound Effect*). Bf is a bit emo and doesn't give a shit about other people The only realistic person is Bf but your writing makes him look worse and also why doesn't Bf miss his real mom and/or dad, any other normal person would be concerned and bawling their eyes off but you know he just said WOOOO GOING TO ANIMAUY LAND!!! that makes him look more ya know just- just a weeeny teeeny psychopathic don't cha think. So I'll give it a two (2). World Background: Exact Copy I would've given it a zero if there wasn't a limit. So one it is(1).

hahahaha i love this keep doing you author. Can you make Bia Yun be a slut but Xia Long will still love Bia Yun and Bia Yun will eventually love Xia Long. I like sex stories but I still like a dose of romance, just to spice it up a bit. If you can please make my request come true. And also make it a tiny bit less serious it is a sex story after all. Thanks bye

It is genuinely interesting however it's a bit confusing maybe you should make a bit more of a description. As in the previous work you've done the characters was nicely designed. However you should maybe add more background to the world or more than just the basic stuff. But I don't think have anything to criticize, other than that keep doing a good work

I like it. You should continue it or rewrite it. there were no grammar mistakes and the writing was decent. And the character design was accurate and funny enough.