Nemesis_6331

2yr

Commented

"I´m" has to be replaced with "in"

The two legendary class demons step foot on the platform, Hroda immediately notices that he is at a disadvantage because Pezik has more experience in using his demon power than he does, but he still tries to give it his all in the fight. The fight starts and Hroda instantly goes for Pezik, he hits him with continuous punches and kicks and adds a bit of fire power to the mix. This gives Pezik no time to react, so he charges up and releases a powerful blast of energy from his body to keep Hroda far away from him. Now, Hroda knows the tables have turned,he tries to close the gap between them but as he was about to land a punch to Pezik's face, Pezik replies with a powerful blast of fire straight to Hroda's face, this blast knocks Hroda to the ground but he is still conscious. Hroda realises that I'm order to have a fighting chance he needs a bit of a power up. So, he unleashes his vampiric powers on Pezik.

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Fantasy · Hroda_Cornelius

Nemesis_6331

2yr

Commented

I´m in the story lol

Sir Drako trembles with fear because he was shocked at how easily one of the top 5 strongest students in his class was defeated so easily by a first year student. Sir Vlago felt extremely proud of his students and he knew that a special someone was watching the match so he had to make sure that his students put up a good fight. Now, the matches continue as expected but this time Nemesis, the second most powerful student in Class D-2 defeated Todo quite easily and made the scores 2-1.

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Fantasy · Hroda_Cornelius

Nemesis_6331

2yr

Commented

You should work on avoiding repetition. Easy Easely

Sir Drako trembles with fear because he was shocked at how easily one of the top 5 strongest students in his class was defeated so easily by a first year student. Sir Vlago felt extremely proud of his students and he knew that a special someone was watching the match so he had to make sure that his students put up a good fight. Now, the matches continue as expected but this time Nemesis, the second most powerful student in Class D-2 defeated Todo quite easily and made the scores 2-1.

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Fantasy · Hroda_Cornelius

Nemesis_6331

2yr

Commented

Wow man, you keep making it better, no objectiones

ch 0 6 Dark Orb Ch.6

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Fantasy · Hroda_Cornelius

Nemesis_6331

2yr

Commented

There is repetition that you could avoid. Boy, boy can be replaced by boy, then him.

After signing all the necessary paperwork, Hroda and Rodina were assigned to class D-3. The strongest beginner class in Heren. But after entering the class, a yellow haired boy with the name of Joon approached Rodina and said, "What's a little doll like you doing here", Hroda was enraged, and gave the boy a deadly stare that almost made the boy faint and after that he just went to his seat and sat down. After everyone took their seats, their class teacher came in and introduced himself, "Hello everyone, my name is Vladivostok Gojin but you can call me Sir Vlago for short".

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Fantasy · Hroda_Cornelius

Nemesis_6331

2yr

Posted

Just add more dialogue so we know each person´s character. It will add more background to the story and character. If add it this story will be amazing, keep it up :)

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Fantasy · Hroda_Cornelius

Nemesis_6331

2yr

Commented

This is a good turn of events realy liked it. The only thing I reccomend to add is more dialogue I really feel like it would improve the story and excitment. Keep up the good work :)

ch 0 4 Dark Orb Ch.4

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Fantasy · Hroda_Cornelius

Nemesis_6331

2yr

Posted

Really like how the story is going but I will reccomend not to rush too much. I feel like the arcs are too short and could be made better if you added more detail on how the events happened or the different attacks occuring. Some spells could be good when the mage summons the demon and a bit more dialogue. An example for a dialogue would be him talking in his brain to his demon discussing whether or not he should go to the academy. Another place could be a dialogue of shock when they understand they are fighting a person possesed by a demon. All in all, just make the scenes longer and with more dialogue because it will make it more lively and we get to know the personality of the characters.

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Fantasy · Hroda_Cornelius

Nemesis_6331

2yr

Commented

I thought it was gonna go in a different direction xD

She was getting stronger, faster, and even more angry. This puzzled Asmodeus because he was the only demon who could get stronger the angrier he got. The girl then got another boost and this time she was able to hit Hroda, Hroda started to get a bit infuriated, then out off nowhere the girl shouts, "FIGHT ME BROTHER!!"