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Zelenesenki
male LV 1I'm too sweet in person that my mom became diabetic... Amateur Writer but I'm trained at Music, Foreign Languages and Art. (for short, I'm struggling financially ahaha)
2022-03-05 Joined PhilippinesBadges 4
Moments 66
you can remove the [then!] after the word convenient for a smoother read.
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Origin Court: Accepting Disciples With A System
Fantasy · thefirespeaks
You can remove the second comma here so it won't look too cumbersome.
Ever since the system abilities were awakened, the rewards were not very promising to him anymore, compared to when he was still weak.
Origin Court: Accepting Disciples With A System
Fantasy · thefirespeaks
just change it to~ [Another peak master cut him off]. to make it less clunky because the next statement showed that it was indeed a woman that had cut him off.
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Origin Court: Accepting Disciples With A System
Fantasy · thefirespeaks
MC be following Covid protocols lol
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Origin Court: Accepting Disciples With A System
Fantasy · thefirespeaks
lol "Lablats" and "<3".
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Origin Court: Accepting Disciples With A System
Fantasy · thefirespeaks
add a space between hand and Fristly. gosh delete my comments later ahahaha I became a free proofreader.
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Origin Court: Accepting Disciples With A System
Fantasy · thefirespeaks
Add a space on your last sentence... or am I just tripping?
[Discovered location with abundant Heaven and Earth Qi: Eucharistic War Battleground! Would you like to sign in, Host?]
Origin Court: Accepting Disciples With A System
Fantasy · thefirespeaks
Okay, first sentences in and I already caught the Author's way of writing... simple yet impressive and time-smart.
THE MOMENT HE opened his eyes, he knew he was dead.
Origin Court: Accepting Disciples With A System
Fantasy · thefirespeaks
Lol Kelvin can be hot or cold... I apologise for my nerdy brain...
The waiter on the other hand had an unreadable look on his face as he watched the girl's melancholic looking back. He realised that he had his hands clenched tightly by his side. "Kelvin! are you still here? I thought your shift ended half an hour ago?" a voice called out to him. He turned towards the voice and responded, "Yes, my shift ended but I had something to take care of. See you tomorrow", he smiled at his manager and left the restaurant.
Twists of life
Urban · Loctovia
consider my comments as help when you proofread this for laterrrr good luck on your novel
ch 0 1 The first happy day
V.R Mages
Games · Jgewriter
"Show never tell" to the readers, all I learned from this was his character fits in generic definitions and not enough descriptions... Sorry I had to do some tough love if I want the writers of the novels I read to improve. 😔 How do we connect our senses to his given traits? I can say that I have a 300 IQ and a billion in my bank acc but no one would believe me if that's just me telling and not showing. (delete this comment later)
Joshua had sat on the corner of a classroom, waiting for his name to be called, many students had known and liked him, he was praised by teachers, his face was considered beautiful, and he was from quite a rich family.
V.R Mages
Games · Jgewriter
good luck to both of us ahahhaa
oh interesting...
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The Wall Of Flames
LGBT+ · Memexico19
Damn don't be hard on yourself 😅
same... but not that much.
"Huh?" Lin Diyu was confused by this flow of conversation.
Origin Court: Accepting Disciples With A System
Fantasy · thefirespeaks