NaeMiaw - Profile

The story starting with MC getting assaulted repeatedly and enjoying it and falling in love is quite jarring. There's no reflection on the situation only concerns about the crush MC has on the guy's brother, and about having sex unmarried. It's really all over the place and the characters in the early chapters (before the fast forward) lack internal consistency as all their actions are clearly only serving the plot in order to reach the fast forward point. Likewise, MC's lack of identification is clearly a plot device to make him unable to attend college, but it's really weird. No functional government is unable to resolve this kind of situation, even if it takes a lot of red tape and going through courts or something. Especially with MC having access to people in quite high governmental positions. It's a lot better after that, and that makes it a lot more interesting the characters become likeable, etc. There's some minute points like the nurse doesn't need a dead brother in a similar situation to MC to want to help, most humans do have empathy? It feels like an attempt at justifying the Chi family taking MC in, and the rest of the circumstances are really enough. They came upon someone in need that they empathized with, they helped. They're rich, so the help is quite important, but that's enough in itself. There's also a lack of wariness from MC past the first explanation, like, he's lost his memories, but trusts the first benefactors coming his way with no further questions because they're nice I guess. Fortunately, these are minor nitpicks in an otherwise good part of the story. Where I decided to stop reading is the spice trade plot. Dried and ground up spices are so basic, so making the MC basically invent their use is so weird. If there's a spice trade that goes further than one village, it's going to be mostly in dried form to preserve it in travel. It's like saying your MC invented smoking food to preserve it. Even in an early antiquity-like setting, it would be absurd, so here it looks clearly like a Deus ex machina. And then making it take so much place in the story, it was so frustrating. You could keep all that, your character can become a spice trader and even create some new stuff, idk, he could offer spice blends that become trendy, or look for foreign merchants offering rare exotic spices. You don't need to make your characters create something revolutionary to make them interesting. You seem to have dedicated time to research spices and without this context, it would make for a great read. I hope you can see this as constructive criticism, as your story is otherwise full of potential, and quite well written. Aside some grammatical mistakes and clearly not English turns of phrase (one does not "put to birth", but "give birth") that could easily be solved by a beta reader.