feno_ramaroson - Profile

to notice is the verb you should have written

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The villainess shall be mine

Fantasy · Kepalozoid

I think you really need to introduce this part with a stylistic way. For example you can say "from the book X, volume X and chapter X in the ... section, it was written,... I kinda becomes plain informative literature rather than a novel

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The villainess shall be mine

Fantasy · Kepalozoid

*he barely even speaks to us

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The villainess shall be mine

Fantasy · Kepalozoid

since you are mentioning this idea here, i think you should delete the part some lines above that mentions the same idea, it's kinda redundant

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The villainess shall be mine

Fantasy · Kepalozoid

*slept

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The villainess shall be mine

Fantasy · Kepalozoid

maybe you could make him recall his whish first before stating already that this is a new chance. It's quite fast (his realization)

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The villainess shall be mine

Fantasy · Kepalozoid

you could just write "he" instead of repeating the "middle aged man". I think it's clear

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The villainess shall be mine

Fantasy · Kepalozoid

grammar error "did my mother LOOK like this

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The villainess shall be mine

Fantasy · Kepalozoid

Isn't it a good idea to first write: "If only I could start anew, If only I got reincarnated with a different face". Maybe something like that. I don't know, just to not give the real Idea straight away and obvious

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The villainess shall be mine

Fantasy · Kepalozoid

in my opinion, this paragraph here needs something that should introduce it. the idea of him being single is sudden. of course you've already introduced the idea in the first paragraph, but it's quite little I think

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The villainess shall be mine

Fantasy · Kepalozoid

I think it's better to just write "the state of the kitchen and the sink. No need for the determiner "that"

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The villainess shall be mine

Fantasy · Kepalozoid

the relative pronoun used here should be "who" not "which"

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The villainess shall be mine

Fantasy · Kepalozoid