OoberShoober - Profile

I formatted this review poorly, mb

As of chapter 19, this story is ok, the main character is interesting and the initial setting for the fic is also pretty good, as not many works are written outside of Konoha. The descriptions of everything and the world are nothing to write home about, as a reader you are able to picture the setting and the characters in the story, but it doesn't really feel like you're there, which honestly is a high bar but w/e. The spelling is good, I haven't noticed any glaring or repeat typos, so the author likely rereads what they wrote. Where I believe that this story falls short is the character development, the main focus of a book centered around an OP character should be the emotional development between characters as well as world-building. But as you read, you don't really get the former, as the reader, we just see that the main character loves his parents partially due to guilt and the added fact that they love him. Other than some light characterization of Kyo and Kazuya, I don't feel anything for them as characters, they could have died in the Anbu assassination arc and it would have had zero impact on me. I should note that Kyo and Kazuya feel like 'Jounin dad who returned from the war' and 'scary but loving mother' they are like the vanilla ice cream of characters in my eyes. Characters that are held dear to the main character should also be held dear to the audience, take Jiraiya for instance, the death of that character was (sorta) as impactful in-universe as out-universe. The author had 6ish years of the main character's life to begin bonding the audience to the characters, but that time was just put into the footnotes. As a final note, I believe the 2-year time skip is kinda lame, I have nothing against time skips in stuff I read, but the level at which the MC was spit out is insane. Despite having no teacher (at least for his main affinities outside fire), the MC is able to do a bunch of jutsu with a single hand (or no hands?). I understand that this level of power is due to a plot element (dojutsu), but at the very least could we get some in-universe lore to back this up? I remember Kyo having said that nothing like the MC has ever happened before but that feels like a massive cop out. This story is already AU (the existence of the yagami clan), so the addition of some lore to cement the existence of a fourth great dojutsu would be reasonable. Also while writing this I realized I have a gripe concerning how he awakened his sun rinnegan, the MC basically just pulled an Uchiha, but instead of getting a 1 tomoe sharingan, he was turned into a roided out ninja that shoots laser beams and can give you cancer by rewriting your genetic code (this bits reaching). Overall it's an ok story that is not great but also not bad, as it is still early in the story, I look forward to the author improving in their writing. Keep it up!