Badges 3
Moments 15
and also the D in death
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The Strongest Conquest System
Eastern · Astral_Pandemonium
How does "The ghastly-looking man shouted out all of his grievances with a look that could kill. Leaving a stark contrast with the extremely large red puddle surrounding him." sound?
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The Strongest Conquest System
Eastern · Astral_Pandemonium
no need for comma after exclamation mark, treat it as a period so the w in weeks should be capitalized, no need for the period after exclamation mark
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The Strongest Conquest System
Eastern · Astral_Pandemonium
No need for the period after exclamation marks.
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The Strongest Conquest System
Eastern · Astral_Pandemonium
grammatical error, "and yet here You" y should not be capitalized, also, add a comma after stand. "and yet here you stand, telling me to GIVE UP,"
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The Strongest Conquest System
Eastern · Astral_Pandemonium
i feel like once should be added as it would be better (?) "They once again" I feel like sounds alot better than "They again commanded"
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The Strongest Conquest System
Eastern · Astral_Pandemonium
grammatical error, a is capitalized in the word An, "tone As he continued" was there supposed to be a period?
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The Strongest Conquest System
Eastern · Astral_Pandemonium
I suggest italics when actions are taking place, feel like would be easier to read.
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The Strongest Conquest System
Eastern · Astral_Pandemonium
Nope, but I guess in the future there was one, not a young master but a young lady. haha
Han Cai planned that by the end of the 20th month, he should be able to get the system updated and also his skills to level 2. After that he will leave elder Ji's tutelage and go out and try to live in general outer disciple quarters while finding more ways to earn spirit stones.
Transmigrated Scoundrel's Exchange System
Eastern · Daoist_Drumstick
I get the feeling the spirit of the flute will accept the MC. Hahaaha it will be fun to witness their reactions.
The elders cursed again. You are the one meeting him for the first time. We have already met him. Elder DongMei blatantly made them villains in front of Han Cai. At the same time, he himself kept the appearance of a kind old grandpa.
Transmigrated Scoundrel's Exchange System
Eastern · Daoist_Drumstick
As Gortox said, its kinda more realistic since she just a teen, if she were an adult, then it'd be true disappointment, think about MC's attention seeking behavior/wanting to see people shocked, I do hope he matures in the future considering but that he was a locked up weeb in his past life and he is just 12 rn, then its not surprising that he wants to see people shocked.
Xiaoyun couldn't help but feel that Han Cai was taking away everything she had worked so hard for. She couldn't stand the thought of him receiving special treatment from her master or being given resources that should have been hers. She couldn't stand the thought of her master praising him and not her.
Transmigrated Scoundrel's Exchange System
Eastern · Daoist_Drumstick
Han Cai walked to the first platform and stood below it in front of the elder of the discipline hall, quietly waiting for 30 minutes to pass. When 30 minutes passed, Han Cai rechallenged the first platform. When He got on the platform, the referee gave them a sign to begin as usual. Before the opponent could say, "I concede", Han Cai had already slashed his sword. The disciple was sent to the infirmary. After this incident, no one tried to challenge platforms one or two.
Transmigrated Scoundrel's Exchange System
Eastern · Daoist_Drumstick
I get the feeling of arrogant young master appearing, I wonder if my senses are right.
Han Cai planned that by the end of the 20th month, he should be able to get the system updated and also his skills to level 2. After that he will leave elder Ji's tutelage and go out and try to live in general outer disciple quarters while finding more ways to earn spirit stones.
Transmigrated Scoundrel's Exchange System
Eastern · Daoist_Drumstick
and there shouldnt be a period at the end.
The Strongest Conquest System
Eastern · Astral_Pandemonium