CoffeeAddict77 - Profile

CoffeeAddict77

CoffeeAddict77

LV 11
2022-06-27 Joined Global

Badges 4

Moments 69

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

the details here can be expound more

By chance, a girl in a maid suit breathlessly rushed towards the gate. When Castor approached her, she's bathing from sweat.

Kyouhana: The Dark Lord's Bride Offering

Kyouhana: The Dark Lord's Bride Offering

Fantasy · RyujiSakamata

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

can omit this

But this isn't the primary objective given to them. There are many suspects held, but the check-up wasn't over yet.

Kyouhana: The Dark Lord's Bride Offering

Kyouhana: The Dark Lord's Bride Offering

Fantasy · RyujiSakamata

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

Show criminals going out the underground, etc.

The illegal hideouts of bandits and slave traders have been identified after this sudden check-up. Because the gates have been completely locked down, there's no escape for the bad guys.

Kyouhana: The Dark Lord's Bride Offering

Kyouhana: The Dark Lord's Bride Offering

Fantasy · RyujiSakamata

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

Show more chaos

Suddenly, chaos visited the town governed by the Ravelgrace kingdom. Knights scatter throughout the public and even the alleyways.

Kyouhana: The Dark Lord's Bride Offering

Kyouhana: The Dark Lord's Bride Offering

Fantasy · RyujiSakamata

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

Who's talking?

CoffeeAddict77
CoffeeAddict77
Commented

This seems rushed. What's the town looked like?

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

Riddit lol

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

A not-so appropriate internal monologue insert

CoffeeAddict77
CoffeeAddict77
Commented

Make it past tense

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

Show the flashback

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

missing dialogue tag

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

Noble people can abuse lengthened and mannered speeches.

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

dinner in the morning?

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

This is an unnecessary mention since he's not there. Showing works in his reappearance on the latter chaps

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

Replace repeated words

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

trait of the dark lord that she needs to avoid?

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

seven-year gap

CoffeeAddict77
Commented

reason? is it necessary?

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