Webnovel Author: zoom_9431 - Fanfic Collection

I feel if you were to make another novel please don’t let the Main character be close to the golden trio but he can be an acquaintance. A better background family I think would be to use zabini which is a character and a family name and he is also a good wizard who once worked with grindelwald as a main characters grandfather or father with the mother being one of lucreta prewett nee black making the Mc have ties to the black family and her husband has died ages ago so still possible, narcissus malfoy could say the main character was born in august 2 months later that Draco and reason how it could be zabini was drugged with narcissa in a love potion conceiving the Mc and of course or molly Weasley which i prefer as the Mc could be born around July or august the year 1980 5 months after ron being born in march still in line with Ron year for hogwarts whilst being couple month a younger and it is possible to get pregnant whilst having another child and it is still the same issue as drug love spell. Also the Mc would still have black roots from zabini either way. Of course doing all these with either narcissa and molly would bring issues like narcissa lucious would not accept this but there is Lucretia who could take care of the Main character and molly weasleys situation the main character would take the prewett name due to the molly and he would still live with the Weasleys of course with Arthur not being all okay but his character is understanding and the main character would inherit a pureblood family who is rich as well and is real and molly would still take care of the main character.

Good work on the novel I can see you’ve put a lot of thought in it and I won’t lie say I’ve read it all in full but I still like it as there’s a unique character compared to other Harry Potter and I think you know what I mean. This must be your first novel. Well Ill you my feedback the novel still feels very similar to other Harry Potter at the beginning with orphanage mc, getting closer to the golden trio without a reason as every Harry Potter main character does and no explanation how the main character came out and even descriptions of his childhood or if he’s reborn or a native and even the family name creed it’s not a family name or even on the families of normal wizards let alone pureblood family.

You dont need to rush it just update for a while till the whole story catches up. The novel you started has reached 10 chapters which isnt bad to redo you just need to not update for a while. I say this as the background for your character is too vague as i like how your not creating cheats that overpower your character. However if you add a proper family background like those houses i listed it will let your novel go a long way as you can gain a lot of information from those houses instead of randomly creating them. Example house black doesnt have to be regulus or sirius child but lucretia blacks grandson who goes by the black surname and is related to weasleys. Plus gringotts, the black house, etc as when you talk about finance your mc doesnt have that but he would with the black family and compared to saying he created google etc which makes it unreal. I just see potential in your writing and your novel could be better with pure blood family already made. Think about it as theres no rush for you jump into more chapters plus i could help with any proof read or writing if you really wanted.

This made no sense. its good you created an oc however your mc should be from an original family pureblood at least as that way your not creating a random character out of nothing. I say this as it links up to the story plus can also enhance the magic of your character being powerful with reason. You could choose house black, rosier, lestrange the french family, shafiq, gaunt, prewett. Im not trying to ruin your story but i just feel your story needs that as some fan fics have done the same but lost the path and ruined the story. Before going further in the story i could give you advice as i do see your a good writer however i feel the mc should be part of a pureblood family or an original character family as that makes sense.

At this point you fully destroyed a bit of the plot. Interfering with percys quest and finding the bolt.

Whats the year? Dont do too many timeskips progress through the youth arc as theres so many plots your mc could do like youth tournements plus international youth tournments for brazil.

Flyingbreadplan ive got a proposition for you if you want to hear?

You know systems dont work in dc it ruins the story. You could add that clarks ship which was also carrying etc kryptonian stuff for an example a way to enable another sibling for clark. The ship detected martha when Jonathon carried clark and then absorbed martha and installed within her belly a way for her to be pregnant instilling kryptnian egg. once she was out although not pregnant but tired but sooner or later Jonathon and her will get busy and shell be pregnant with your mc having both the dna of kryptonian and Jonathon and marthas dna. Best way to avoid system and the ship of clark detected martha

bro its better to make the novel in dc like make your own original character instead of using his flashs name. For example do a novel with the dc universe and young justice or something with your mc a teenager etc

Im on this chapter but i feel you shouldnt have added alina or other girls apart from zoya to his pair. As it makes no sense for alina or the other girl as they both have pairs in the show already it is disturbing trying to always break it. I generally think you should re make this novel and if so it should an original character who can use powers of grisha possibly be a sun summoner as well as those are good powers already whilst a good background would be having him as rashkav crown prince being one year younger than the original main characters in the teen,

Author i been reading your shadow and bone its good . I think you should do a novel about DC like bruce waynes son but this time enough of hadrian perevell or harry potter but a proper original character you make instead. Could be a smallville/ dc universe including young justice or something. The mc could be younger than robin and doesnt stay with bruce wayne .

Thanks for the support but Ill be honest for this novel I'm trying to draft as many chapters for the first volume before releasing them here. As the idea is to make sure the story is flowing so it can be interesting hence why I haven't released an official chapter. However you can read my other novel as that will be released frequent more.

You're funny, was trying to say you should make a fan fic

Have you ever wrote a novel before?

You should keep going. However if you want to make another novel i have commented before on suggestions and idea. What is your social or email so we can talk about this more

Read my comment. I do think you can make a better novel also what is your discord or any area where we can contact each other more.

Go with sky sports and bt sport. The novel is getting closer to being cut off from the original which is good 100 percent better. I saw in the recent chapter it said 15 years of relationship with guardiolas sera and they havent married. So why dont you consider guardiola being in a relationship before with someone a brazilian women when he had a gap with sera and later on he found the brazilian women had a kid. That way the mc would then be spanish and brazilian and would lose the asian feature perfect scenario to introduce as well as be guardiolas son and not adopted one. Also you could add the spanish youth team arc much earlier than before in which the mc first gets called up for u17 spain team then later on that vincente del bosque scenario chapter with his assistant can move up lucas to u21 with a proper good excuse this would be also on original chapter for yourself. Its easy to find who is in the u17 that year as you just search up. Later on you could also have closer on that once brazil find that lucas is also from there they want to call up lucas.

Well i have finally seen all the hp types. This novels description is good although it has a vague system. However i dont really rate a gender bender novel as its a guy reincarnating in ginny sounds sus. Also what effects the novel is that it starts straight away in hogwarts with no junior year arc like from as a baby being born to then getting prepared for hogwarts. Apart from that the description and the world view are good however i hope you do make another hp novel like ginnys younger brother twin as an mc where you could make it not have system then and let him be talented with magic and with quidditch plus he could go to slytherin. If not that type of mc then how about one where the mc is a prewett and also a black it wouldnt be fake as there are still some blacks and a prewett could be the one who died which can be the mc father where after he can be looked after by tonks family however he does go to molly and weasley sometime as well as malfoy. All in all your mc would go to slytherin and be in harry potters year and even get the achievement of one of the youngest seekers in hogwarts but the youngest for slytherin.