Badges 16
Moments 460
Hmm. Ok, listen: I'm a big fan of Shye and this story and I want it to be clear that I'm not trying to lambast you or make you feel bad in any way, shape, or form. I will continue to genuinely look forward to new chapters regardless. That said, I'm starting to notice some detrimental writing habits as of late and I want to provide some of what I hope will be recieved as constructive criticism: you've been overusing ellipses and emotive filler words during narration lately. You don't need to narrate an "...uhh...!" or try to artificially introduce tension in the middle of narration "by way of... breaking a statement in half." It's one thing if it's a character's internal thoughts or dialogue, but narration is not casual speech and shouldn't contain the same quirks. All that tends to do for readers is cause a grating disruption of flow and almost comes off as condescending. Don't get me wrong, I know that's not your intention at all, but you have to trust your readers to understand what's being conveyed without spoon-feeding how you think we *should* be feeling to us. I understand the desire to make everything constantly intriguing and mysterious, but the intrigue should come from the narrative (and this story definitely doesn't lack intrigue). I'm also fully aware that putting out several chapters a day is incredibly mentally taxing and likely to cause burnout that could lead to these types of habits. Idk. Maybe it's just a minor pet peeve of mine and I'm just being picky, but this book has immense potential and I really wanna see it go as far as it can. I really hope this doesn't come off as hostile or anything 😓 please make sure to get enough rest and take care of yourself!
ch 401 What Happened To Crowley?
Flashy Adventurer System : Show Off to Get Stronger!
Fantasy · Meowder
one or two chapters ago, there was a line that read something to the effect of "after gaining enough strength, Xian destroyed mo ru's soul" so I dont think hes in there anymore
Seeing this, Yuan shook his head and said, "Relax, you two. Did you forget that I have two Soul Weapons?"
Cultivation Online
Games · MyLittleBrother
"Now the real race for achieving Spirit Refining Perfection begins. I don't want to wait until my 50s, or even 40s, to reach that stage. It's about time I made use of the druid bloodline," Aksai muttered to himself as he rose from his seated position.
A Farmer's Journey To Immortality
Eastern · Grayback
nice. get existentially obliterated, nerd.
Tian Xian, after gaining enough strength and shattering Mo Ru's soul, started working together with Heaven's Defiance and recruited those who were forced to submit to the Celestial Emperor into their own forces.
Cultivation Online
Games · MyLittleBrother
Adam internally:
Adam then got to his feet, his shoulders slouched. He turned around and glanced at Edward and Lisa with a listless expression, "Boss… has passed away."
Greatest Legacy of the Magus Universe
Fantasy · Esenel
oop. must've missed the name drop, thanks for the heads up! 😊
"That part of the city was toward the western gate, so we'll have to travel west if we want to have a higher chance of encountering those two God Ascension realm souls."
Cultivation Online
Games · MyLittleBrother
"That part of the city was toward the western gate, so we'll have to travel west if we want to have a higher chance of encountering those two God Ascension realm souls."
Cultivation Online
Games · MyLittleBrother
he's talking about the two he promised to smuggle out when he made it here on accident the first time. also, we don't know which weapon mo ru was captured in (unless at some point it was made clear that yuan's weapon is the same that Tian used and I'm just forgetting), nor whether he'd even still be in there.
"That part of the city was toward the western gate, so we'll have to travel west if we want to have a higher chance of encountering those two God Ascension realm souls."
Cultivation Online
Games · MyLittleBrother
At this point, Adam's existence had become a mental obstacle to the youth. Until and unless he saw Adam's lifeless head, he wouldn't be at ease.
Greatest Legacy of the Magus Universe
Fantasy · Esenel
Before he left, Yuan took the time to clean the entire building, removing all dust and dirt, fixing the broken door, and even cleansing the bloodstains in Xiu Mei's room.
Cultivation Online
Games · MyLittleBrother
😂😂😂
"I... I don't have much to offer you. So I'll bless you from the bottom of my heart. Aksai, my child, may one day the entire Dadangar subcontinent – no, the entire world – hear your name. May every obstacle you encounter transform into an opportunity. May… May you transcend worldly limitations and become a true immortal."
A Farmer's Journey To Immortality
Eastern · Grayback
"Farewell, Aunt Reta, young Ruan. Take care of yourselves. Should fate allow, our paths may cross again," he said, tousling Ruan's hair affectionately.
A Farmer's Journey To Immortality
Eastern · Grayback
he was the guy who was trying to persuade aksai to delve into the inheritance with him, right?
Aksai acknowledged the lone late-stage Spirit Refiner among Reman's group, recalling their previous encounter nearly two years ago on the outskirts of Lakir City.
A Farmer's Journey To Immortality
Eastern · Grayback
😬😬😬
"F-Father…" Kevin's fear was instantly replaced by rage as he gritted his teeth and pointed at Adam in the distance.
Greatest Legacy of the Magus Universe
Fantasy · Esenel
"How dare a mere city lord defy me, the Celestial Emperor?! Supreme General, I don't care what it takes or how much you dirty your hands! I want that bastard to despair! I want him to regret defying me! While you distract him with some soldiers, sneak into the city and remove his loved ones from existence!" The Celestial Emperor roared, his eyes bloodshot.
Cultivation Online
Games · MyLittleBrother
For example, here (and this is the last I'll harp on about it): "Then, he continued flapping his wings, grabbing onto the next crimson crystal and moving forward one flap at a time." The joke is perfectly understandable without the "...uhh..." there. You definitely have the skills, be more confident in your writing! 🥰
Then, he continued flapping his wings, grabbing onto the next crimson crystal and moving forward one…uhh…one flap at a time.
Flashy Adventurer System : Show Off to Get Stronger!
Fantasy · Meowder