Badges 6
Moments 136
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He got pushed to the bed, the vampire lord towering over him. He was scared, will be he stripped away from his virginity? well after everything had happened, it wasn't the worst thing, but stillโฆ He tightly closed his eyes, he didn't want to see for what was coming for him. He wait for something bad to happen, but at the end he felt a kiss on his forehead, which surprised Orquรญdea.
Surviving as the Vampire Lord's Omega
LGBT+ ยท LordBarbieAlessa
Just keep going ๐๐ค
The chapter length is perfect dear... Keep going with good work.
ch 0 2 Chapter II At the Devil's Ballroom
Surviving as the Vampire Lord's Omega
LGBT+ ยท LordBarbieAlessa
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Surviving as the Vampire Lord's Omega
LGBT+ ยท LordBarbieAlessa
I can imagine his face clearly ๐... Thanks to your detailed description.
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Surviving as the Vampire Lord's Omega
LGBT+ ยท LordBarbieAlessa
Ooooo~ I never give a chance to vampire stories before but after just reading the first chapter of your novel, you change my mind. I think I should give them a chance before. When I was reading your first chapter, I found it so smooth, I mean that reading wise I smoothly read the full chapter. That's a plus point from me to you. ๐๐๐
ch 0 1 Chapter I "Everything is Lost"
Surviving as the Vampire Lord's Omega
LGBT+ ยท LordBarbieAlessa
Dear, instead of "his body" change it to "His body"...
his body was trembling under the vampire's large body, he felt like a prey at his predator's will. Orquรญdea felt Stephan's breath on his neck, then a pair of fangs brushed his skin. This is it, this will be his end, and he hoped it would be like that, he just wished for this nightmare to end.
Surviving as the Vampire Lord's Omega
LGBT+ ยท LordBarbieAlessa
Your story is very intriguing but I'm confused about the gender of Orquidea ๐ maybe I found the answer later in the story I guess... Overall writing style is good. ๐
He got pushed to the bed, the vampire lord towering over him. He was scared, will be he stripped away from his virginity? well after everything had happened, it wasn't the worst thing, but stillโฆ He tightly closed his eyes, he didn't want to see for what was coming for him. He wait for something bad to happen, but at the end he felt a kiss on his forehead, which surprised Orquรญdea.
Surviving as the Vampire Lord's Omega
LGBT+ ยท LordBarbieAlessa
๐ Thank you for your kind words ๐
๐ฅฐโค๏ธ
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My Dear Bully
Urban ยท TheQuietestVoice
Chapter with good length, not like mine with 5k words ๐ ๐ฅฒ... Story pace is good and characters as well... keep going author you have bright future ๐ just need little bit of punctuation correction then it's perfect ๐
ch 0 1 One- Faking Perfectionism
My Dear Bully
Urban ยท TheQuietestVoice
Dear, just correct the little wording here from "you just think your all that" to "you just think by yourself all that" ๐ and when writing the dailogue put a comma before the end of the dialogue if haven't defined who said that. For example; "I'm fine, don't worry," he said. Overall love your story... and has so much potential ๐๐. Plz don't mind my comment, I'm also new to writing and many people point out my mistakes like this. ๐๐
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My Dear Bully
Urban ยท TheQuietestVoice
That's sad ๐ข. I hope the father actually cares.
"Whatever I got to get to work anyways!" I take off as soon as the light turned green not even pausing to look back and just start running towards my job. I know he's right in my heart, but it still hurts to hear. The only thing people saw when they looked at me was my father and how great he is and how much he "cares."
My Dear Bully
Urban ยท TheQuietestVoice
I'm so happy you like it ๐๐๐ sorry for the chapter length.
MTE [moved to a new link]
Fantasy ยท Hibah_Siddiqui