Badges 5
Moments 25
Curiosity: around 15% of our genes are responsible for our physical appearance. The first and third prince looking similar doesn’t really imply into both inheriting more genes from the king. But this is just me being a nerd. Ignore me. The paragraph is great as it is!
"The king's genes are very strong. They look very similar even though their mothers are different." Gale commented.
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
"Well, this is just great luck," he said with a wry smile. "What are the odds of meeting the tyrant main character himself? And what's with Max naming the tyrant after himself? Weird, right?" Gale chuckled at the irony of the situation, fully aware that his casual lunch had taken an unexpected turn into the realm of political intrigue and potential complications.
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
Woah! We have an homonimous character! But my Maximus is a Duke rather than a Prince.
It was only when the hood came off that Gale's casual gesture turned into a revelation. The man was none other than the First Prince Maximus. Gale, looking at the audience, muttered a realization of his predicament.
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
Now that you mention it, we don’t have much of a description of Sam, before he turned into Gale. How’s he supposed to look like? From this paragraph, I’m assuming he likely had colesterol issues (?)
Entering the pub, Gale greeted the barman with a nod. "Hey, Master Gale, the usual?" the barman inquired. Gale responded affirmatively, and soon, a delectable meal arrived—a juicy steak accompanied by a side salad and a pint of beer. This was what Gale had taught the chef here, Steak. It was his favorite in his previous life but he did not have the body or the money to buy and eat a steak on a regular basis. This life however was different. His body was different, he was leaner, healthier and younger.
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
"I think if I keep training like this, I might even kill a dragon at this point", Gale thought which was of course a hyperbole.
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
Quite a nice chapter! The pace in the beginning is quite good. As I said among the paragraphs, two things stand out the most: I’d love to see more of the dynamics between Arsenio and Gale, the buildup of fater-son relationship, and Gale's thoughts to the audience are stylized differently from the past chapters. I'd recommend italicize those lines! All in all, we have the growing political tension to decide who's gonna be the king (assuming it's a kingdom we have here.) I suppose Gale's adventure will take him to the core of this conflict. Maybe Max is wandering there as well? 👀
ch 0 5 Family Matters
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
Perhaps it’s better to italicise his words to the audience here as well?
As Arsenio outlined the terms, Gale couldn't help but smirk. "Father, you drive a hard bargain, but challenge accepted." Gale looked at the audience with a triumphant smirk. "As I said, an art form."
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
Awwww I’d like to see more of their discussion 😔
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Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
It feels as though his thoughts in this paragraph are said out loud instead of just addressed to the audience. Would it be better to italicise the text?
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Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
A man who values education , I see!
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Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
The narrator here kinda confirms my last point. Innocence and naivety, albeit not roughly the same thing, can walk together.
The estate buzzed with preparations as the news of the royal visit spread. The third prince, known for his innocence and kindness in the original narrative, was expected to grace the viscount's residence.
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
In addition: he seems to have some pre-knowledge of the world as well, and of some characters at that. The way he ponders about the third prince suggests as much.
Gale, though slightly surprised, composed himself and turned to the audience, "Well, looks like royalty is knocking on our doorstep. Let's see if the naive demeanour of the third prince holds true in person."
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
I really like the way that you express his thoughts as if he’s talking to the audience. My impression is that Gale, aware of being in a book, might know that whatever he thinks will end up written as well. Thus the narrator points this out in the text. It’s an authentic trait and very unique.
Gale, though slightly surprised, composed himself and turned to the audience, "Well, looks like royalty is knocking on our doorstep. Let's see if the naive demeanour of the third prince holds true in person."
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
That’s a chapter packed with some action, and quite a nice overview of the world. The end suggests that the protagonist will impact the plot of the novel he was invoked into. Might be too early to guess, but I think his friend might be up to something… and the novel will bring them together in some clash
ch 0 2 Gale's Gambit
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
Hehe, I think he is OVERPOWER, not overpowered. Quite interesting to think how power scales will work in this world. And having the protagonist talking to the reader is quite intriguing, too. Feels like a double-layered plot: you are a reader inside the book, and the character is a character in the book inside the book.
He had won, and quite easily at that. A sudden realization came to him, "I might be overpowered!" He pondered on that thought for a while, "Well, it's not like I have to fight on the battlefield, I just have to survive for as long as I can."
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
Breaking the fourth wall??
Gale turned to the audience, "That kind of made me sad but, oh well he did destroy half of the kingdom to get his revenge and power. Not to mention that he destroyed the Wichertons in that process."
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
Thanks a lot!! I hope it proves a nice reading for you
This book has been deleted.
Uh-oh, is Max really dead? [img=thinking]
"Welcome, Sam."
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ
Don’t know about you, but I don’t trust that First Prince in the slightest. The dialogues were quite nice to follow. Wish to see more of these dynamics as the story grows! Cheers
ch 0 6 Another Encounter
Saving Gale Wicherton
Fantasy · AtharvisAJ