Jarito_Shirogane - Profile

Our first concrete sightings of the current main antagonist, huh. I see, very interesting to introduce it this way!

Ooo, her first proper job! I like that Estelle is depicted as a greenie and that she still was a bit clueless. Moreover, I sense a good space for growth there, I'm excited to see where this goes! Also, that mysterious power might become a very cool plotpoint! Though I do wonder how Estelle was so strong against a literal demon girl and that she thought this situation was, quote-on-quote, scary? Well, maybe I shouldn't sweat the details so hecking much xD.

It was a pretty interesting first chapter. I already kinda know what for setting you were going with, but I'm pretty excited to read the rest. Although, there are some things in your writing style that felt a bit.. off-putting. To start off with, almost every new (inner-)dialogue starts with a "[name] said/thought" and it's alright to use that, but only using it not that much. Some points where I kinda got confused with what perspective you're writing with. It started with a narration of Estelle and then it gradually went to a omniscient reader's viewpoint (we could see their emotions when they spoke/Estelle's thoughts), but it was a lot of telling and not "showing" in my humble opinion. And well, apparently there's a narrator; the father? I didn't expect that, but hey, this might become very interesting in the near future. Sorry for this micro-essay for just chapter one, but there were some thoughts I wanted to get out there xD. I probably won't type this much under the following chapters,