- 0 d Continuous Writing
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Sloppyjake96
male LV 1Upcoming writer. BA in creative writing. Love reading and creating stories.
2023-08-31 Joined United StatesBadges 3
Moments 19
No problem, gotta help out!
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A King’s World
War · trophymade
What do you mean by its aura oozed out in the aura?
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A King’s World
War · trophymade
No pregnancy! awww. :(
"Hahaha, don't worry, my pet. This cute little thing would only help you. It will filter out all your seed when you shoot out. After all, you are dead once. You don't want any of your mistresses get pregnant from your undead seed, do you? You can just put it this way. This little cute thing is just a protection, or an invisible condom to you. And as long as you obey my orders, I promise you will never feel it. You see, I am just helping you, my new slave." She was playing his balls like a toy.
The Seduction System
Fantasy · OliverSmith_
interesting idea, so potentially he could live for ever? and does he show his age as he grows older or does he have eternal youth? Kinda hard to seduce a wife if your just a bag of wrinkles and joint issues.
"In return, each successful cheating wife you have an affair with will give you extra years of life." She paused to think of some more fun ideas. "And yes. If you fail to satisfy one unhappy wife within one year, the same day next year, I will see you here again." She laughed loudly, apparently, she loved her evil ideas.
The Seduction System
Fantasy · OliverSmith_
Is it suppose to say "start over your age 18?" or start over at the age of 18?
"So eager, I like your spirit, my slave." She laughed. "Here is my offer: I will turn back time a year for you, to let you start over your age 18..."
The Seduction System
Fantasy · OliverSmith_
Interesting second chapter! You keep it quite interesting, kinda long but good! You have a few spelling mistakes but nothing that can't be read. I like to use Microsoft word as it helps me with my grammar and spelling. If someone has a certain dialect though and the words are exactly spelt right but match how its suppose to be said I ignore it. Great Job, looking forward to the next chapter!
ch 0 2 Lilith - Pact with Succubus
The Seduction System
Fantasy · OliverSmith_
Have the words broken up a little, since he does have someone making out with him.
"Don't. Please don't. Please let me go..." He finally realized where he was and who was making out with him. Eventually, Lilim disappeared into his balls, just like melting into his balls or maybe he should say digging into his balls.
The Seduction System
Fantasy · OliverSmith_
endless sea of possibilities and pleasures. Does that mean Jay's endless possibilities and pleasure? or does that encompass everyone's?
"This way, my dear~" She said, turning towards the door ahead of them. As soon as they opened it, they're greeted by an endless sea of possibilities and pleasures.
The Seduction System
Fantasy · OliverSmith_
the last line of this paragraph as a spacing issue, Awesome descriptive work here!
Lilith smiled, pleased at his obedience. She could feel the lust and desire pouring from his body like a river of molten lava. She could see the unfulfilled desires shining in hiseyes like diamonds in the darkness.
The Seduction System
Fantasy · OliverSmith_
Is it suppose to be just a monologue between Lilith is Jay?
Lilith, her eyes gleaming like black onyx, slithers closer in the shadows. Lilith beckons to him with a hypnotic smile, her voice laced with suggestion "Welcome to hell, my playground. I see you've got a bit of a roving eye, my new plaything. I love the new soul falling to hell, full of unfulfilled dirty desires, especially the virgin boy's desires. Let's explore the depths of your psyche. Just imagine, my pet… the things you always want to do before sinking to the hell. A game of seduction and control like no other. Play with me… Let me show you what true seduction looks like."
The Seduction System
Fantasy · OliverSmith_
Awesome descriptive language!
Amid the charred wreckage and broken dreams, he found himself in a space beyond space, a realm outside the realm of the living. Hellish echoes reverberated, and the specter of death danced through his thoughts. The once-familiar reality had faded, replaced by a visceral experience that defied explanation. This was not the adventure he had envisioned; it was a place where hope waned, and souls languished.
The Seduction System
Fantasy · OliverSmith_
Priorities!
He grabbed his camera and tried to take a picture of the scene, hoping to capture his last moments alive. He wanted to leave something behind for his family and friends, something that would tell them he loved them, and he was sorry.
The Seduction System
Fantasy · OliverSmith_
I appreciate the feedback! Thank you!
Hello everyone! I am the author of both Evolving against Extiniction: Jack's Quest for Power and Unveiling the Unknown: Chronicles of Genesis Academy! I love creating dark, gore, and emotional stories! I want to do my best and with the help of comments can go a long way! Let me know what you think with a review!
Evolving Against Extinction: Jack's Quest for Power
Fantasy · Sloppyjake96