FIAMMA01 - Profile

The story starts off pretty solid and givs a lotta info about the world it takes place in, but it ws pretty hard to digest all that at once. The two female leads bounce off each other pretty well so im looking forward to seeing where this goes.

There are a few grammar errors, like the absence of quotation marks, and the use of capital letters, but other than that its shaping up to be pretty solid. The system style concept is a tad generic but I'll see where it goes. Try using more paragraphs though, itll make for a smoother read. Keep it up!

Its a really good story, the grammar is on point and the world seems interesting. The fact that you start off with a younger protagonist leaves a lot of room for the story to grow, so im looking forward to that. There was a lotta info dumping in the first chapter though.

The stoy works just fine, but it can come off as being random sometimes so Id recommend slowing down the pace and ensuring youve got a clear cut path planned out. Also, use quottion mrks for when chracters are speking, otherwise its jarring to figure out who's saying what.

This was pretty good. It sounds like youve got a decent idea of where you want the story to go, and the tension is stable throughou it. The character interactions were pretty nice too. Richard and Aurelia have a nice sibling vibe.

Pretty solid story. Silver does seem like a tragic character so im looking forward to whatever direction the character goes in. Also, try paragraphing more, if the lines are too spaced out then it becomes jarring to read.

It starts off with an interesting pemise and builds up to the mystery surrounding lucy and her mother. The story even has magical elements that I didn't expect to see at all, so this should be pretty interesting........try using more dialoue and consistently sticking to one perspective to enhance your flow.

For someone thats not really into romance, this actually got my attention pretty fast after the first chapter. Zachary seems like a troubled yet complex character, and Sonia feels like the perfect complement to him.....looking forward to seeing how this turns out.

This starts off in a unique way, even though it has the typical systems and stuff like that the opening chapter was more than enough to get me hooked. Kryannor is an interesting lead from the very start so this story has a lot of potential….

This is pretty good. The opening scene is a definite hooker and the grammar , descriptions and monologues that follow it are all top notch. Balin seems like a funny character so I’m looking forward to seeing where his character goes

This was actually pretty good. It starts of with a vivid setting description and immediately draws your attention to Ophelia, the main character. The worldbuilding then follows immediately after this but, I almost got lost a few times so spacing that out a bit might be a good idea. The story delves into Ophelia's past as early as chapter two, which makes it feel a little fast pace, but not to a degree where its overbearing. All in all this was a good read, just mind the pacing and you should be fine.

This has some potential but it could use some more paagraphing and clarity to give a better idea of whos speaking. If you can do that then the story's flow should increase considerably.

Its pretty good. Although the story could use a bit more paragraphing and a little less info dumping, especially close to the end of chapter 3, its interesting over all. The Blind orcs did a good job of building up tension, but try describing them a bit more, that'll add an extra layer to the tension.

Good work with the third person perspective. The characters seem likeable and max has a nice naive vibe, at least for now. It could use a bit more pragraphing but otherwise its prety good.

Pretty strong start! The setting descriptions are top knotch, and the characters here all have heir own stories to tell. Breaking up the info dumps would make this a lot better though but otherwise....keep it up!

A pretty good start to a romance series. Jasmine's anxiety and uncertainty are depicted really nice and she actually feels like a real character. Keep it up!

This looks like a fresh take on the necromancer system and something a bit more nuanced. Lucas' timid character now has a variety of ways to grow and I'm looking forward to it. Keep it up!

This is pretty good! The initial cyberpunk vybe and mystery regarding both the protagonist and the world overall was very captivating. Crim seems like a cool character with tons of room to gro, so I'm looking forward to it.

For a first fiction, this is pretty good. The seting not being on Earth, and the lore behind all this is pretty interesting, although, it does kinda feel like info dumping sometimes but its pretty good overall. Keep it consistent!