Richard_Ryles

6mth

Commented

Never mind. Misread the paragraph

"Do you find something humorous?" He couldn't help but ask. He was aware that a little bit of bite had made its way into his tone but he couldn't help it, he was being laughed at.

Dragon Child

Fantasy · MarsInMay

Richard_Ryles

6mth

Commented

Fix the pronouns

"Do you find something humorous?" He couldn't help but ask. He was aware that a little bit of bite had made its way into his tone but he couldn't help it, he was being laughed at.

Dragon Child

Fantasy · MarsInMay

Richard_Ryles

7mth

Posted

This is a great story. The author keeps surprising me with unexpected twists. A unique storyline following a pattern of its own. A refreshing change from other stories in that it’s hard to guess what will happen next. I’m continually checking for updates and the author has been consistently updating each day. I can’t wait to read the next chapter.

Dragon Child

Fantasy · MarsInMay

Richard_Ryles

7mth

Commented

Should be lit with - not lit was

This paragraph has been deleted.

Dragon Child

Fantasy · MarsInMay

Richard_Ryles

7mth

Commented

They say that is common is— may need to reword this

She could only nod, she was only now realizing her arrogance in many areas. Why had she not even considered that Kilnik had his own kind around him? She was not his only person to talk to anymore and she hadn't even asked him anything about it. She felt shamed, she was a terrible friend and partner. He didn't seem to pick up on her self-loathing but said. "The saying that is common is that Aquana and Tate have were like grass through a magnifying glass on a sunny day. Since both Tate and Aquana were young they were looked at, inspected, judged, and evaluated. Every day of their lives was a constant test. There were cruel people and dragons and there were kind ones but what there were not was many people willing to get close to them. The other dragons who have been here the longest have also told me that once Aquana fully ascended the pressure was slammed onto them. It was clear from the start that they were a talented pair. They were pushed far beyond the boundaries of what would have been considered normal or appropriate for students of their age. They were sent to the Corps to train when Tate was just eight years old. I have been told that he was sent on missions when he was nine and that he killed his first human at ten."

Dragon Child

Fantasy · MarsInMay

Richard_Ryles

7mth

Commented

We had to rush

She smiled at him sweetly, "I didn't know until I got home from work today. My parents practically threw me into my room to change and rush over here. The Emperor's note had been misplaced and were had to rush."

Dragon Child

Fantasy · MarsInMay

Richard_Ryles

7mth

Commented

beside should be beside

He stared up at the ceiling. He watched as the light from the lit candle at his beside cast flickering shadows. He felt strange, he felt like he was there and not there at the same time. How quickly had he abandoned his wish and obsession to return to the veil. How quickly had he accepted the cage that was given to him. He felt numb to it now. He turned on his side to face the window. It was a good view, it was one of the few views on this street he'd wager that did not have a taller building across from it blocking the view.