- 23 d Continuous Writing
- 13.2 h of Reading
- 122 Read books
NTNova
male LV 3Your mind is a blank canvas, I'll paint on it discord server: I am open to discussion and questions. https://discord.com/invite/fHeYP3yH
2023-10-30 Joined NigeriaBadges 7
Moments 175
Like I said before , the narration keeps changing form
ch 0 2 A New friend
GATEWAY TO FREEDOM
Action 路 Abigail_Anthony
Hunters, not Hunter's
Common Gift, you can trust me. I won't hurt you, it's either you come with me let's find somewhere safe to be and find a way to stop these so called "hunters" or you stay here and get captured by the Hunter's like your parents
GATEWAY TO FREEDOM
Action 路 Abigail_Anthony
come on, not common
Common Gift, you can trust me. I won't hurt you, it's either you come with me let's find somewhere safe to be and find a way to stop these so called "hunters" or you stay here and get captured by the Hunter's like your parents
GATEWAY TO FREEDOM
Action 路 Abigail_Anthony
Sorry I am correcting you here, I am busy so can't chat you up, but you used punctuations wrongly here
Gift's eyes widened. "You saved me. The hunters were chasing me, too."
GATEWAY TO FREEDOM
Action 路 Abigail_Anthony
uhmm, I thought she could not control her magic
I heard a sound behind me. And immediately whirled around, ready to attack whatever threat stood behind me,a magical shield already formed in my hand.
GATEWAY TO FREEDOM
Action 路 Abigail_Anthony
the line was vague, what is they had an issue in town and the curfew was 6
The wind howled through the abandoned alley, Arlie huddled in the shadows, her hair whipping around her pale face. She knew better than to wander the streets after curfew, but desperation had a way of dismissing caution. Especially when you had magic in your veins.
GATEWAY TO FREEDOM
Action 路 Abigail_Anthony
I can see the work out into this chapter, but the author should not make certain errors, like the obvious switch in narration style. also, it gave a good image of the fight, but it didn't give me enough reason to care about the MC, even if her type of people were getting arrested, there should be a story that will make me care for her and be in her side, right now o am on nobody's side, because all o knows os that they were being hunted, but why are they getting hunted, why should I care about the getting hunted?
ch 0 1 Arlie's Escape
GATEWAY TO FREEDOM
Action 路 Abigail_Anthony
In this paragraph , you suddenly switched from third person narration to first person narration, why the change, is she the one telling the story or the narrator , they can't he two narrators here
A shadow emerged from the darkness, its sleek black form gliding towards me like a hungry predator. I froze, paralyzed with fear as it drew closer, its boots scraping against the ground.
GATEWAY TO FREEDOM
Action 路 Abigail_Anthony
the author possesses a very refined vocabulary, but the excessive use of complex grammar is only showcasing her vocabulary , but not painting any picture in my head, for the sake of connecting to the reader, I suggest reducing the overly grandiose grammar, and instead aim to connect with the readers emotions .
Arlie's breath came in short, gasps, each one sending a cloud of steam into the frigid air. She'd heard the rumors, whispered tales of the mage hunters, the masked enforcers who roamed the city at night in search of mutants and magic users like her. But Arlie had never seen them in the flesh, until now.
GATEWAY TO FREEDOM
Action 路 Abigail_Anthony
introduction of the character was a bit forced, they could have been more done to this first paragraph to give to life and emotion from this paragraph, all I see is wind and a girl in an alley, was it night or day?
The wind howled through the abandoned alley, Arlie huddled in the shadows, her hair whipping around her pale face. She knew better than to wander the streets after curfew, but desperation had a way of dismissing caution. Especially when you had magic in your veins.
GATEWAY TO FREEDOM
Action 路 Abigail_Anthony
when a mental state of a person is damaged by oast experiences, their mind sets a wall, for Ezra it is to never be under someone, never be a pawn again , and he feels that the day he bows he will become the old him from earth, weak and unable to do anything for himself, so he refuses, this is am illusion set by the mind
ch 44 Orientation Part 2
Rise Of The Shadow Demon
Fantasy 路 NTNova
change will come, yeah, I think external influence will make him a better, but it will take some time , I think he will view his friends as pawns for a while, buy their importance will get higher, maybe to the point where he won't even want to sacrifice the pawn
Ezra hated the sight of weakness now; he just wants strength. Only with strength can one become relevant.
Rise Of The Shadow Demon
Fantasy 路 NTNova
cuz he is weaker, still if a fight broke out between them, he would surely fight. also he hated the fact that it was people that didn't do enough to get into class one, yet they were mad at the people that did. the half elf was in his right to be proud, cuz he was strong,
Ezra hated the sight of weakness now; he just wants strength. Only with strength can one become relevant.
Rise Of The Shadow Demon
Fantasy 路 NTNova
yhup
[Shadow Pocket, a five square meter shadow space that you can keep anything in. The pocket evolves alongside the user.]
Rise Of The Shadow Demon
Fantasy 路 NTNova
yhup, an ability that ain't for fighting , buy can still be used to aid in a fight.
[Shadow Pocket, a five square meter shadow space that you can keep anything in. The pocket evolves alongside the user.]
Rise Of The Shadow Demon
Fantasy 路 NTNova
馃し馃し馃し馃ゴ馃ゴ
[User: Lucy Morningstar ]
Rise Of The Shadow Demon
Fantasy 路 NTNova
I'll keep and Open mind and hope for certain things to be explained in future, still that shouldn't be too far off right?
ch 0 2 Encounter with Dream Creatures.
Malivoire Descent
Fantasy 路 Dream_Lord14
my honest reply as tbe author would be to not indulge in this one, I really say myself that I didn't do my best, the other one is my best work, buy this one馃様馃様馃様
Lightning Dragon
Fantasy 路 NTNova