carlodee_

2mth

Commented

Accidentally deleted my comment. "But they are not Grim Reapers. are they? I remember in chapter 2, Roxina said she's not a soul reaper."

"The Black Parade serves as the supreme governing body of Necropolis, a dimension acting as a mediator between the mortal world and the spirit realm. We, the seven lords, originated from the distinct regions of the spiritual realm. Everyone referred us as Shikaris, or much more commonly know as spirit hunters or grim reapers. We're tasked with preserving the equilibrium between the spirit world and the human world by managing the flow of souls between them. That is until the Jinnxes appeared." Leomold eloquently responded, his chin raised slightly as he gazed at the painting on the cream wall.

Jinnx Hunter

Urban · Amedrianne

carlodee_

2mth

Posted

Highly recommended! But here's some things that I find so far: * Despite minor errors that may have been overlooked, the overall writing remains polished and engaging. Great job! * Some readers (or maybe just me) may find the story development to be slower than expected for an action-fantasy novel. It takes several chapters just for the soul turfing alone. * Character design is actually good, with vivid descriptions allowing readers (or maybe just me, 'cause I have been reading fantasy novels for a long time already) to easily envision the appearance and personalities of the characters--personally like seven lords' outfit. You can add more small details though, but overall its good. * I find the world-building to be lacking in clarity, considering the story development is a bit slower. Well, too early to judge. Good thing, in Chapter 12, world building took few steps. Overall, I loved it. Highly recommend. Good job.

Jinnx Hunter

Urban · Amedrianne

carlodee_

2mth

Commented

You forgot the quotation mark here.

Excuse me, please move aside! Don't you see? There's an overwhelming number of them pursuing me! Arex exclaimed, his eyes widening as he beheld the mysterious woman before him, wielding a fearsome scythe.

Jinnx Hunter

Urban · Amedrianne

carlodee_

2mth

Commented

Really? If I were Arex, I would probably think that she's a grim reaper, like for real. XD

This paragraph has been deleted.

Jinnx Hunter

Urban · Amedrianne

carlodee_

2mth

Commented

"...with your wisteria." I think this should be "...with you, Wisteria."

"Ugh, this is incredibly annoying! Just when I'm almost finished and something goes wrong with your wisteria!" The woman spoke as if addressing her life-size scythe.

Jinnx Hunter

Urban · Amedrianne

carlodee_

2mth

Replied to carlodee_

You probably just overlooked it, but that's it. Also, I don't know where to comment for general remarks, but I think there's too much paragraph. Some can be just part of a previous one instead of creating a new line for it. Sorry, is it a thing in webnovel?