Wouldn't there be some other, less conspicuous phrase to identify that they both worked for the Revolution?
Xavier sat beside him. "Long live the Revolution."
Elves Revolution
Fantasy · SPPrincess
I'm not sure what you mean when you say the ankle "was both gaping and purplish in hue." Is it a wound, or did he simply twist the ankle and sprain it? Or break it?
Upon inspection, Xavier was confronted with a discoloration that was both gaping and purplish in hue. He was unable to discern whether the wound was the result of a stabbing or a fracture. Nonetheless, the fact that the boy still breathed was nothing short of a miracle.
Elves Revolution
Fantasy · SPPrincess
"wiped sweat from her brow."
Kaya swallowed and wiped the seat from her brow.
Elves Revolution
Fantasy · SPPrincess
His words here are unclear. I get what you're trying to say... I think you could say, "Let this be a warning to all those who wish to go against my rule."
"Let this be a warning to all those who wish to against my rule." King Kojo boomed. "Take the head and put them out on spikes and burn the rest."
Elves Revolution
Fantasy · SPPrincess
Is this the same Master Lee that suggested that Kaya and Nico be friends? Why would he kill Millie for visiting the soon-to-be-executed elves?
Master Lee turned and walked away, his footsteps fading away, leaving her to die.
Elves Revolution
Fantasy · SPPrincess
I would say dotted with blood... since it seems like it was just a scratch to her cheek.
He lashed out, slicing her across the cheek. Kaya winced, stumbling back. She tenderly touched the wound and pulled her hand away. Her fingers were drenched in blood.
Elves Revolution
Fantasy · SPPrincess
Why would Kaya glare at Bella when Bella is complying with Kaya's wishes? It doesn't make sense.
Bella opened her mouth to say something, but she closed her mouth again. She gestured for the next opponent to step onto the mat and Kaya glared at Bella.
Elves Revolution
Fantasy · SPPrincess
To describe Bella Rose as being of African or Carribean descent would be placing your characters in our world instead of an altogether fantasy world that stands apart. Maybe just describe Bella Rose's features?
The woman was blessed with a towering height that made her stand out in a crowd. Her complexion was a rich shade of dark brown, hinting at a possible ancestry of African or Caribbean descent. Her most striking feature, however, was her voluminous curls which seemed to have a life of their own. She had pinned them up with care, creating an intricate web of twists and turns that framed her face. Despite her seemingly delicate appearance, she was not one to be trifled with. Those who dared to cross her would quickly learn that she had a fiery temper and a fierce fighting spirit. She had no qualms about using her fists or boots to mete justice to those who deserved it.
Elves Revolution
Fantasy · SPPrincess
Two thoughts... One, would Zander really be allowed to keep a dagger on his person, since he's a slave? And two, why would he give his brother's dagger to a child he had just met?
Zander made a sound in his throat. "Hm. I think a sword may be too heavy for you." he reached into his pocket, pulling out a silver dagger with a beautifully carved hilt. "This once belonged to my older brother, take care of it, yeah?"
Elves Revolution
Fantasy · SPPrincess
Your dragons have fur?
Kaya ran a hand over the soft fur in disbelief still. "I can't believe my grandfather wanted to kill these creatures."
Elves Revolution
Fantasy · SPPrincess