CurieKuri

When it comes to writing style this is unfortunately a taste difference between readers and authors can't please everyone with how they write. That is inevitable. However to illustrate what I mean, here is an excerpt: As it turned out, this was the most laborious part of the process, given how most of the easily movable chunks of wood had now broken down into pieces I couldn’t exactly grab without breaking them even further apart. Thankfully, within just a few minutes, I managed to grab most of the bigger pieces before scooping a few handfuls of the smaller ones, and then topping the pile in my bag with a few fistfuls of the charcoal dust mixed with the ash of what little wood actually burned away. In the end, the backpack full of wood that I brought over turned into just over two-thirds of my backpack volume worth of charcoal. Whether that was a good ratio or not... I honestly had no clue. Here's a rephrased version: Selia still looked torn between being happy, worried, or just totally confused. In the end, she smiled too, while I shoveled the charcoal into my backpack. The pieces were fragile and messy, breaking apart easily, but eventually I filled about two-thirds of my bag with usable charcoal — plus some ash. The original version has a lot of extra detail that really doesn't matter to much in the grand scheme of things. e.g: Is the charcoal fist sized, ping-pong ball sized, basketball sized? Doesn't matter since the size is only relevant for that sentence and doesn't change the impact of the statement. If the bag being used was special and you wanted to emphasize that then stating something like "4 charcoal logs as tall as an adult human slid effortlessly into the small back-pack reminding me how much the bag defied laws of physics". That's something worth noting to the reader and would also help with world building.

Story has an interesting premise but the story is executed poorly. Writing: Too much filler. 1,800 words can be rephrased by an LLM down to less than 400 words without losing meaning or impact. If you really want to read this story, I suggest using an LLM in the same fashion. Pacing: Most of the chapters span a total of 5 minutes of "world time" on average. 87 chapters are used to get to the end of the second day. Characters: Abrupt changes in the characters that do aren't grounded in the actual events of the story. FMC goes from cold to absolutely giddy in 2 "world days". World: Not well explained or described. I can't tell where the characters are or where the location is in relation to other settings being talked about.