Please find more inspiring words. I don't know, "Our emperor is on the march, let us walk by his side once more." Or "Let us buy the empire more time." Or even "Look how an entire garrison fears twelve men."
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When Rome Stood Firm
Fantasy · ariel_18
Your father was a coward, unlike you weeping boy.
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When Rome Stood Firm
Fantasy · ariel_18
The text requires grandiloquence, I get that. They must betray for the fun. But I can't help but notice how (i) had they stayed loyal, the boy would have died within a week and (b) had they stayed loyal, but Spurius had doubted them and fetched Romulus anyway, the next day would have been poignant.
No, he said dead or alive.
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When Rome Stood Firm
Fantasy · ariel_18
Also a week? I know this is fantasy but wow.
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When Rome Stood Firm
Fantasy · ariel_18
Not sure about the steampunk narrator recording thoughts and dialogs from five centuries ago in a 21th century style. But your style is epic enough and concept is cool so let's go.
This is so old-school it's making me feel young. The pitch itself is not that grand but it fails to sell its cool pet and nice encounters. I have Neverending Story vibes, it just lacks more descriptions.
You should drop the 'horror' tag for the 'adventure' one. Other than that your cover is probably your main hindrance because this is a quite decent story. Maybe too quiet for the public out there... As a personal note I would prefer more (and lighter) descriptions to those constant thoughts. It's effective but contrary to Arin, I would like to enjoy the fantasy scenery.
Well shoot, I wanted to take that bet but the romance tag is in the way.
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original The magic-hoarding clay golem
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When magic faded, humanity hoarded it and fled, leaving monsters to fight over the remnants. The humans' last loyal servant, Kaele, is a clay golem awaiting its masters' return. Now it found a way to summon one, an all-powerful hero to save the realm.6 Chs 0 Collections
Excellent idea, excellent writing and excellent pace. Of course, this is a peplum, not a documentary. It strikes a good balance between its historical setting and necessary spectacle. Remains to be seen how this develops but so far I can only praise it.
When Rome Stood Firm
Fantasy · ariel_18