Chapter 265: A Guilty Heart
Winter had long begun. The mountain air was cold now in the mornings and warmed only reluctantly in the thin sunlight that filtered through the dying leaves.
"After the danger is dealt with, we will return as quickly as we can." General Guo adjusted the reins on his horse.
"I understand. Please be safe over there." Rin said and passed him a gourd. "And take this with you. It's a little something to enjoy on your journey."
General Guo's eyebrows raised. He took the gourd, sniffed inside, and lifted his eyes to hers.
"Lotus root and pork soup." A small curve appeared on his lips. "You still remember how to make it."
Rin scratched her cheek. "It's not easy to forget your only favorite meal, uncle."
She would always remember the numerous trials and errors she went through to find her uncle's favorite meal. Fresh deer she hunted in the woods. Sweet but poorly presented confections. All he had rejected, despite her effort. Only during dinner once, did she notice his love for lotus roots. Since then, she practiced recipes every day until she mastered lotus root and pork soup.
Seeming to reminisce in the same moment, something passed through General Guo's dark eyes. A flicker that was almost amusement.
He patted her cheek. "Remember to take care of yourself. The winters are bitter on your body."
"I will." She nodded her head and turned to Bai Han, who had been following the conversation. He walked toward them, donned in his majestic pale, silver armor.
"Are you sure you do not want to come with us?" Bai Han, who had come up to her, was gazing at her with a strange light in his deep eyes. "We can take that brat with us too."
Understanding that the 'brat' he was referring to was An Sun, Rin sighed softly. She held his hand tightly in her own.
"I have to stay. Right now, I need to fulfill my duty as a strategist. But the time will come for when I fulfill my duty as your granddaughter. Just as you must protect the north as their commander."
There was a silence, and she knew her grandfather was considering her words. Bai Han regarded her for a moment. He patted her hand and sighed heavily.
"I understand." He puffed out his chest. "But you better take care of yourself! Eat plenty of meat! Be wary around that brat. Who knows what he will do when we're gone." He paused, pursing his lips beneath his silver beard. "And that eastern emissary…I want you to be careful."
Rin nodded her head seriously. Bai Han looked relieved but, at the same time, reluctant. Who knew when they would see one another again. In rejoicing for their victory. Or despair for their loss.
Suppressing the tremble on his face, Bai Han pulled Rin to him and embraced her fiercely. "I love you, kiddo."
Rin hugged him back. "Mn. I love you too, grandfather," She murmured hoarsely.
They broke apart and looked at each other with benevolent eyes. Bai Han gently clasped her head and kissed the top of her forehead.
"We will see one another again..."
His words mingled with the sound of the hissing wind. Before she realized it, she had been standing there in the snow, surrounded by trees and a tall gate behind her. The figures of the two men she cherished had long disappeared.
…
In the afternoon light, the courtyard rang to the song of swords. Soldiers heaved and huffed, clouds of chilled air, sweat trickling icily down their faces. As they trained, hiding behind a tree, Yun Suyin regarded them keenly. More specifically, the figure instructing them.
Rin.
The girl frowned down at them with dismay and glanced furtively at her surroundings. There was no one else in sight. Yun Suyin moved into the sunlight to peer closer. She studied the cross-dressing girl again and fell lost in a daze.
"She's quite impressive, isn't she?" A clear voice said behind her.
Yun Suyin gave a startled look and turned around. Her pulse leapt. Standing behind her was a tall woman—possibly the tallest woman she had ever seen. She had copper skin and dark almond eyes that were sharp as a hawk. Towering over her, the woman glanced down then back to Rin in the distance.
"My master is a peculiar woman." Jin Yue said. Her arms crossed as she leaned a hip against the plum tree.
Hearing her words, Yun Suyin's hands twitched.
"Peculiar is one word I would use." She mumbled.
Like a keen hawk, Jin Yue swept her gaze to Yun Suyin. Her eyes narrowed.
"What other words would there be?"
Yun Suyin stared down at her toes and clenched her fists.
"I-It's not womanly."
There was a moment of silence and nervously, Yun Suyin lifted her gaze. Expressions passed across Jin Yue's face, but she could not read them.
"What is womanly to you, Miss Yun?" Jin Yue asked calmly. There was no sign of offense nor challenge from what Yun Suyin could detect. Just sheer curiosity.
She bit her lip. "Miss Bai, she is…I couldn't do it like her. To behave, to speak, and fight among men, is odd behavior for a lady. Does she not have her grandfather's army to do her bidding? Why does she—" Yun Suyin paused and covered her mouth, somehow even surprised by her own words.
"Hmm." Jin Yue thoughtfully regarded her. She shifted her gaze to Rin in the distance. "The glory of this world is not just the places you see, but the different people you meet. My master is a prideful individual. She is skilled with a bow and enjoys spending most of her time training. She may not be like every lady, but she is a true one, nonetheless. Just as much as you are, Miss Yun."
She looked down. "This world is too large for there to be merely one single path to life."
There was no reply. Yun Suyin stood listening. Her neck was rigid, and her eyes wide. At that moment, she was suddenly aware it was getting very cold, and that upon the hill, a wind was beginning to blow an icy wind. But as of now, she could not feel it. Only the warming of her cheeks and shamed expression.
…
Twilight deepened. The cloudless sky turned a deep purple, the color of an old bruise, then faded to black. The stars began to sweep across the skies. A half-moon rose. The grass sea swayed and sighed with each breath of wind. An Sun lay in the grass by the bridge near the river. The ground beneath him was soft with moss and fallen leaves as his skin prickled in the light breeze.
Those gray eyes that stared up into the night sky were void of light, their depths swarming with something dark. Abruptly, he sat up, arms propped on his knees. His nails dug into his wrists.
The An Clan wanted to kill Rin. Fan Mingli's death was because of them.
All of this and she did not…
Resting his head in his hands, he closed his eyes tightly and sighed.
"I thought you might be here."
An Sun's eyes opened. For the passing of one breath, he did not move. Then he leaped to his feet, turning to look down at the girl behind him. The breeze blew, carrying the scent of fresh grass. Marking his stunned almost fiery expression, Rin smiled and walked up to him. She rose on her feet and brushed back a strand of grass in his hair. The tips of her soft fingers touched his forehead.
"Come. There is something I want to show you."
She watched as he opened his mouth to speak before closing it. He nodded his head.
The two walked in silence through the winding halls and came at length to the armory. It was fully dark outside, and the room glowed warm and bright. She walked inside and picked up a sword with two hands before turning to An Sun.
"This sword, I recently had it made after a few weeks of planning." She stared at it with a calm expression, a hint of pride in her eyes. She lifted her gaze and smiled. "I want you to have it, Sun."
Jewels glittered in its hilt, and the moonlight ran down the polished steel. It was a splendid weapon, castle-forged, and newly made from the looks of it. An Sun's eyebrows lifted, and he regarded her. He was utterly still, looking between the sword and her. Then something shifted in his face. The slightest crease appeared between his eyes.
"I can't accept this."
That surprised her. Usually, he would have taken it without any formalities.
Rin tilted her head a little, like a curious bird. "Hmm…should I have it remade then? Maybe bigger?" She quietly mumbled to herself.
"No, that's not—" He sighed and lowered his head, fists clenched by his side. "I don't deserve this."
Even more surprised, Rin's eyebrows furrowed. She looked at him a long moment as if weighing something. She sighed softly and set the sword down on the table.
She walked up to him and flicked his forehead. "Idiot."
In disbelief, An Sun touched his head and lifted his eyes, finally meeting her stare. She had been staring at him with a stern expression before a small smile lifted the left corner of her mouth.
"Whether you deserve it or not, it's a gift from me. A gift I know will be of use to you." Rin said. Not proudly or boastfully. Honestly. She reached for the sword again and handed it to him with both two hands. "I trust no one else with this but you."
Stood still, An Sun watched the breeze from outside stir her hair; he watched the moonlight fall on her pale skin. Those emerald eyes stared at him with such trust, love, and calm he felt his heart shake.
He lifted a hand, controlling the tremble in his fingertips, and touched the cold steel. A single touch alone was enough for him to perceive its remarkable quality. This made his body feel all the more heavy as he lifted the sword, its steel shining in the moonlight.
"It's a beautiful sword." He said heavily. His dark eyes moved to rest on hers. "Thank you."
The sword, her smile, and his words of appreciation, all of it fell on his dark, guilty heart.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
paramyis
paramyis After writing lots of smut for incoming chapters, I have finally returned! Lately my personal life has grown a bit complicated and emotionally/mentally draining, so I couldn't help but take a break for the week...and then I wrote smut. I hope you enjoy today's chapters!
Thank you all. Please rest well, eat well!
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