A look into the author's mind
Hey Everyone, "ThunderTaters" here.
First of all, thank you all for the support and positive feedback on the story. It kept me going on the days I thought it just made no sense to do this.
I started out writing this small story to condense the ideas I had accumulated when thinking of RI. I had a rough idea, some concepts but also lots of researching to do.
I was burning with ambition to create something new, to fill a void in the hearts who wanted more of the RI world.
One of my personal goals was to challenge myself by having a fixed release schedule, writing every week. I already knew my nature, that's why I set the pace at one chapter a week.
I wanted to see how far I could persevere, whether I had what it takes to produce a work I can be proud of!
But this decision turned out to be a bad one.
Each and every week my self imposed deadline, and the knowing anticipation of the readers loomed above my head.
I dreaded the days when my self imposed rule forced me to sit down and churn out a chapter, meeting an arbitrary deadline, just so I could take a breath before the same repeats the next week.
Things should not be like this!
I started this as a little pet project I would happily think about in my free time. Slowly cradling, and refining the ideas of characters and plots in my head before putting them on the proverbial paper.
I'm oh so familiar with the perpetually in-the-works nature of perfectionism, where you keep polishing a single thing, but not moving forward as a result. Now I have experienced the other end of the scale...
I thought I was measuring and pushing my perseverance. Yet, I have strayed from my own nature, forced into contrived mental chains by myself, slowly suffocating my creative spirit.
Wishing to fulfill my own and the reader's expectations is an endless task. I cannot treat a hobby as if it were a job, because it will turn into one, souring the root of it.
So what then? All this melancholy and rambling, what even am I trying to say?
That brings us to the current point.
In the latest chapters you probably noticed the change the most.
"They have gone to shit!" - My inner voice is screaming. Yet, I just pushed on, clicking the publish button late at bight for that small, momentary rush of chemicals in my brain.
"I did it! Chapter's published, now I can sleep!"
...
So what have I learned over this one and a half year?
Some overall takeaways and self reflection tells me, you can't force nature, you have to find it and accept it.
I can't just become a chapter factory.
My respect toward Gu Zhen Ren has deepened since I started writing. Hats off to his perseverance, he knows the meaning of it well.
I'm a person who values open options more than stubbornly committing to a single path, so I can't continue in this way.
Don't get me wrong, I will not stop writing, I still have the desire to create a finished work and not leave you hanging. But I will also not publish half baked chapters, written in the rush of an impending deadline.
The balance between planning and improvisation has tilted for the worse. I do not have the notes worked out, and some vague directions in my head are not good enough basis for the tightly knit and interweaving story that I aim for.
I need time to crystallize these ideas, there's no way around this unfortunately.
"Yeah, ok dude, but where is my chapter?" - My imagined reader asks.
Well, I don't know. It hasn't been made yet and the future is uncertain, as always.
If you want to help me in any shape or form, I'm open to suggestions. So feel free to theory craft in the comments, or just send your thoughts my way. I'll read all.
Once again, I'm sorry for letting down expectations.
I will be back with a chapter once I feel like it hits the bar of quality.
Thank You.
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