Danmachi: The Forgotten One

LV 13

Omny1928

This will be constructive criticism. Writing quality isn’t bad but Also isn’t good either. You need to more frequently paragraph space your dialogue. Instead of having a block of text: The car sped down the high way with droplets of rain, gliding across the windows with a gray, cloudy sky the canvas. A man, with his hands on a black leather steering wheel opened his mouth to speak. “Why am I putting so much effort into this?” Abruptly he spun the wheel a hard right crashing into the guard rail *BOOM* he goes up in flames. END. ——————- Now I will do some minor adjustments to the story. ——————- The car sped down the high way with droplets of rain, gliding across the windows with a gray, cloudy sky the canvas. A man, with his hands on a black leather steering wheel opened his mouth to speak. "Why am I putting so much effort into this?" Abruptly he spun the wheel a hard right crashing into the guard rail. *BOOM* he goes up in flames. END. ——————- I won’t blame you if you don’t want to read that but what you can learn from that is people want to read small bites of a story not shove a whole five course meal into their mouth. **************** You thought I was done with writing quality??? No. Instead of making a very obvious line break. <High way car wreckage> You just do a simple line break and instead describe the scene. ————- As the sun shone on a pile of smouldering scrap a man could be seen lying smiling upon the new day. SHOW DON’T TELL. __________ There can be multiple ways to do a line break. For Example: <Line Break> ************* ___________ ~~~~~~~~~ The only thing you need to worry about is being consistent. Unlike me. ❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️ One last basic thing you need to do is try not to state who is talking in chapter 2 for example. Where you write: Guard: Blah blah blah, blah blah. MC: Blah blah blah, *don’t be a hero* blah blah. Guard: Blah blah, *Hehe, I’m in danger* blah blah. I would go into more detail with this but frankly, you will be able to learn how to avoid this by going into any well made novel/fanfic and truly pay attantion to how they write. End. Maybe I will come back to this one day and see if you’ve improved! Happy writing. Ps: I made everything a 3 star because there isn’t enough chapters or character development to give any tips.