How a Cat Created the Strongest Guild

Starting out with the positives, I do like the idea of simple house cat entering a virtual world. Its charming, cute, and interesting. I also like how the orbs changes color to indicate its moods, pretty creative. And i loved how expressice Fluffles is and how she's written. She says consistent to her character and never fails to entertain me. So systems aren't really my thing, but it hasn't affected my view on the book, so let's get into the criticism. Writing Quality: Looking over the fact that 3rd sentence in the opening is missing a period, the writing style is decent. Nothing too special, nothing too bland. Though I do want to touch on something. There are times where adding an additional line after dialogue is best needed, but not added. For example "I want it! Gimme!" Fluffles hissed. Taking the tension of the situation and how Fluffles is acting like an upset child, it'd be appropriate to add another line after hissed. "I want it! Gimme!" Fluffles hissed, her hairs standing up in fury. Also, adding descriptive language helps too. "I want it! Gimme!" Fluffles hissed loudly, her hairs standing up in fury. Another example "We finally did it." Detrix squealed. "We finally did it!" Dextrix squealed, cracking a smile. On that note, words such as hissed and asked are used alot, I think describing the harsh sound of the hissing will work better. As well as synonyms for hissed as well. Of course that also goes for asked as well. Stability of Updates: So for this category, I won't focus on the time frame between chapters, but rather how well each chapter pieces the story together and if they are consistent with each other. So I find it odd how some chapters end and start. At the end of chapter 3, they discuss the bonuses unlocked when reaching level twenty. And then chapter four immediately cuts to them being level twenty, a bit of an odd choice if you ask me. Chapter four ends with Ashfire explaining her specialty and then chapter five opens with Ashfire talking about forming a guild, presumably after the idea was brought to her. Which didn't seem natural after she just introduced herself. Perhaps Datrix could've shared the history of their relationship with Fluffles before the guild thing was brought up. It's just an example of how strange some chaps can end and start. Story development: Alright so this gonna be an interesting ride, the point of the story is shown very quickly, which I have some issues with. There was no setup to how the VR helmet was found and the owner that's seen in a later chapter makes an appearance. I believe the owner should've had some involvement in the opening, like putting Fluffles down for the nap before going to sleep themselves. Anyhow, I also have an issue with the introduction of Datrix. Firstly, she just kinda showed up out of nowhere, making the introduction a bit uninteresting. I also think Fluffles should've maybe explored the world a bit more before meeting Datrix. Going back to her, maybe assisting her in a fight Fluffles started as the introduction could've served better. I mean, Ashfire's introduction had her rolling and coughing before granting the two with some advice. Thus making it special. Or maybe Fluffles just goes around asking for help and meets Datrix. It also seemed a bit odd how she just offers Fluffles to level up with her out of nowhere. There was no appropriate buildup, and it came out of the blue. This could be seen as a nitpick, but I'll just say it anyway, I don't think something as important as reaching level twenty to go world hoping should've been skipped. It just makes the whole goal of getting to level twenty feel not as accomplished as if we got to see gradually get to such a rank together. Character Design: With character design, there are some things I'd like to say. You do describe to the point where it's not too difficult to understand how they look, but there's so many tiny details that truly make a character memorable by design. Let's start with Fluffles's avatar. "As it started pawing at the leg of a twin-tailed girl. The eyes were a stunning light green, almost white. The hair was brown and messy, going down to the neck. She enjoyed pawing at the tight leather pants the character model had." It's not terrible, but it's not the most expressive. My take on it would be something like: "As it started pawing at the smooth leg of a beautiful twin-tailed girl. Her stunning light green eyes glimmered with light. If you look deeper, you can see a shade of white within. Her brown hair, while messy, added to her looks. She continuously payed at the tight leather pants she wore." We don't know her skin color nor the upper clothing she's wearing, so it's not a complete image of the character in the mind. Moving on to Datrix. "She had a black trench coat and short black hair. Her eyes were a clear blue and had two small fangs coming from her mouth-" "She wore a black trench coat with short, yet flawless hair of the same color. Her clear blue were filled with life and two small fangs could be seen from mouth." Some rewording and descriptive words can really spice the their descriptions up. World Background: Now this is the topic I really wanted to get into, you need to add much more vivid descriptions to the world. It's a good attempt, but it could be so much more. I'm going to pull a some examples from the book and offer some advice. "She awoke surrounded by people, NPCs, causally walking by. Small lamps lit the roads with blinking leon lights signs in multiple windows." While this description isn't bad, it needs to be more descriptive. What's the sky look like, are there any clouds? Are there any active markets? Any other interesting discovers? I'd like to imagine world background as canvas. You want to keep adding things to make the canvas more clear so that the reader can visualize the area. "Outside was much brighter than in the urban world, but there wouldn't be much sun, as the smog in the sky was blocking out the light. The buildings looked older as well, with smoke coming out from them." This is how I would write it "The outside was much brighter compared to the urban world, but thick smog limited the amount of sunshine available. The buildings seemed to be older, with heavy, black smoke emerging from them." I do hope this review helps you out alot and I look forward to seeing you improve!

I finished all the chapters you've written so far. In terms of writing quality, there's no issues from what I feel. Therefore I'll jump into the flaws I feel for your story. 1. Fluffles is a fun character to read. A cat becoming human, but only human in the virtual game, although her background was never explored more. Therefore there's a lot of plot potential and possible twists that can occur in later chapters. This is all good, however there's a issue in terms of world building. For example, the game is called Infinite Skies. It is a mmorpg I believe, where you have all of your standard run of the mill stuff. Aside from that, we don't really know much about this game. Why is this game special? Why was there a system in place, specifically for the kitty? (This part can be forgiving cause I assume it's plot for later chapters to explore). What are the different character choices present? A felt like a lot of details were left out in the game's mechanics, even though physical descriptions were present during the tutorial and post tutorial. How do the characters activate their skills? Does it just naturally happen? Also health bars for the different classes (This part might just me being picky), do higher health bars affect speed, etc. Does the character class affect the skills? Etc, etc. It just felt like so many details were left out that would draw a player of mmorpgs in. If there's a book I'd recommend to study as to what I think is extremely attaractive, it'll probably be the novel version of The King's Avatar, and you can research some themes to incorporate into your own group. 2. The chapter 6 boss fight felt kinda rushed, unless it wasn't the true boss. His inital attack took out literally half their hp, but then it seems like the power of friendship was suddenly able to scrap it without much trouble, because literally nobody died. The problem with this kind of battle was that there was literally no stakes. If you had a clause where something like: If Fluffles dies in the game, she'd perish in real life as well or something, and maybe have more back and forth exchanges, the fight could be written in a much more interesting way. This becomes more of an issue in executing your ideas better, and requires yourself to do more research on tempo and pace. Another note to consider, what happens upon death in the game? If the penalities seem so miniscule or negligible, it moves back to my point regarding a game with no stakes being rather uninteresting to keep readers hooked.