/ Fantasy / IMMORTAL KILLER
Synopsis
An immortal and practically invincible eight-year-old sorceress was mysteriously found stabbed to death inside her bedroom? What killed her? Why? But most importantly, who's next?
The answers to these questions lead to a young boy being sent on an epic continent-spanning adventure where he comes of age, cathartically triumphs, but also has to learn to grapple with unfortunate tragedies.
Drama and excitement awaits!
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Your story reminded of the high fantasy novels I've read before making me compel to consume quickly the three available chapters. The narrative was good, and I have to commend you on that. There were just minor hiccups on capitalization but grammar wise, you did a splendid job.
You forgot to capitalize a lot of 'I's, too much drama in the first three chapters and we haven't seen the aforementioned young boy who is supposed to go on an coming-of-age adventure. Also an immortal eight-year-old doesn't sit well with me because how would anyone know she's an immortal at a young age? Was she stabbed before this and lived? Back it up with evidence. Also some of the royalties' speeches doesn't sound formal at all, which is an inconsistency in their character traits.
Reveal Spoiler
Let's start with the bad. All your female characters are pretty flat. They all speak pretty similarly and all have about one defining character trait. Your scenes dragged; they felt too long. At the end of each scene I kinda wanted to just skip to the end and start reading the next section. As for the good, all of the male characters are extremely boisterous and fun to read. The story developed quite naturally from the beginning to where it currently is. Everything from the grammar to the dialogue is extremely polished, and I can tell you've put a lot of work into this. There hasn't been any noteworthy scenes or concepts introduced yet, but your work is definitely high quality. I look forward to more to come.