/ Urban / Is this Love?...Or are the Chemical Impulses Driving my Every Whim?
Is this Love?...Or are the Chemical Impulses Driving my Every Whim?
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Science was all she wanted. Science was all she needed. That was what she always told herself. But when a fascinating, new guy joined her research lab, Kaylen suddenly found herself developing mysterious, new feelings. Feelings that she couldn't understand.
Was this love? No, it certainly couldn't be! She must find ways to prove that the chemistry she felt was due to a summation of different, explainable factors!
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~Provides thoughts on entire story, spoilers limited though spoiler 'tag' checked just in case~ This is not my typical read, however I saw that it was short and liked other works by the author so I gave it a whirl. Very well written story, as I have noted in the past I continue to appreciate the descriptive writing though it is difficult to truly 'judge' characters and the world itself within short stories. I am always for more world development, though was pleased with 'what I got' so-to-speak. One can clearly see an appreciation for the field of science within the story, that coupled with Kaylen's personality, and the world built up around her and Diedrich's research left me feeling entertained and was quite endearing. I felt the research/potentially the story itself was mildly rushed around Chapter 7 (onward?) though that did not negate the impact felt while reading. It wraps things up nicely with a look forward; well done. My only (minor) issue, beyond potential rushing, would be words missing from some sentences (glossed over grammatical error) or the rare incorrect pronoun used─ certainly nothing that detracted from the story though as the writing itself is superb.
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The feeling of a first love is always an interesting topic to write about. This story is no exception, with the main character establishing herself and her personality early on in the story. Her denial of the whole situation only makes the whole thing more endearing. In terms of ratings, this is how I would do it. Plot - 8.8/10 I would not say that the story is completely original because it does use some ideas that are very common cliches in many romance stories, but it does use those ideas creatively. They do not take very much away from the whole concept of the story, at any rate, and if anything, add a touch more to the romance that is present in the story. The mechanics between Diedrich and Kaylen are quite intriguing and their relationship has some very unique and original aspects to it. Characters - 9/10 Short stories rarely have enough words to truly develop their characters, but this story does that fairly well. Kaylen and Diedrich's struggles are more than simple conflicts that interfere with their romance, they are struggles that can be related with the common human experience. The characters are also not overly "sweet" in the sense that they feel more realistic than a lot of romance stories. Writing - 9.5/10 There are little to no issues present in the text itself and I'm pretty sure I only caught one or two little grammar errors. The way it is written flows naturally and reveals the conflicts in the story at a good pace. Overall - 4.8/5 stars: This story is definitely worth a try. At best, the concepts behind it should make it enjoyable for basically anyone, although I would say that the romance might not be for everyone. I appreciated the pace of the story and romance and it was a nice break from the stories that I've read where the romance is the only theme present, as well as stories where the character just falls in love with the main interest. Great job, kaz.
Kaylen, a nerdy female scientist, just experienced the sensation of an erratic beating of her heart as an effect of being around a particular person of an opposite sex for the very first time in her life. And as the dedicated scientist that she is, she tries to find out if the new strange sensation that is often described by others as "Love" could be explained and solved by a scientific theory. And this leads to a series of extremely amusing hypotheses and situations, in which she's trying to quantify "Love." Confession: I kind of pestered this author to take on the challenge of writing this story. The author identified himself as a typical unromantic, and blockheaded guy. Well, guess what, I think he pulled it off :) I thoroughly enjoyed reading a romantic comedy about a smart and devoted female scientist undertaking a fool's errand in trying to analyze something as unscientific and enigmatic as Love, written by a male author.
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So, I don't read much romance, I can actually barely write romance, but, I like the story development. Your grammar is pretty solid, there's nothing I dislike about your story. I'm totally thinking recommending this to my friends since they read more romance than me.:-) (Btw I love Kaylen's personality and how she's just in denial.) Sorry if my review was sucky.
Amusing, entertaining, elegant… Those were words that popped out in my mind when I was reading your short story. It’s adorable. It was almost as I was watching a mashup of Up! And Ratatouille with the scientific background instead. More than it, it was most of the time, precisely written. I liked your care with the “science” background. I’m a graphic designer, but I work in a field where I learned a bit about ‘metal stress’, ‘recrystallization’, ‘fatigue’, etc., so it rang a bell to me. Not sure if what of it is ‘too much science’ to your regular reader, though. Characters… Just okay, let’s consider there’s no much room for development in 9 chapters. We sometimes are blind to our own flaws, and regarding writing, it’s true as well. Sometimes we can point out our flaws, but hen we just… let them be (and it might be your case here). As you mentioned you wished to know about what I found offish, here it goes: The dreaded first chapter: Somewhere in the middle of the first chapter, your control slipped. Something was meant to be funny, but it was just unnecessary. The second and third chapters are better written, comparatively. Perhaps too much editing or not letting things go? The first chapters are as tricky as hell. Mostly when we are trying to get some attention on a web novel platform. Overall Impression: Too elegant for this platform. Can this be a flaw? Yep, with a few tweaks (and precious advice of someone more suited than me about grammar structure, etc,) your first chapters could easily be in a short story anthology. I read some short stories with the same vibe in good books, so yes. It’s too much for this site. I found your novel precise, as I said, and a bit too formulaic. As a Pixar movie with all the perfect round ‘introduction-challenge-fun and games- new challenge-new arc-things go wrong-dark night of the soul-climax-resolution-come back to the beginning’ formula, without the “crazy thing that makes a person read an ******* web novel rather than a best-seller novel”. I found it ‘pasteurized’. But it doesn’t mean I didn’t have fun reading. It disappointed me a little (just a tiny tiny bit, kind of 5%), but it also kept me entertained for one hour straight. I use to drop novels well before 2k words. Another part I found strange was when you changed POVs. For only one chapter. The story wouldn’t lose anything if you wrote it in third person omniscient, so this important moment wasn’t so off. Summing up, I admire that you wrote a nice little romance and talked about emotions in a refined, mature and sweet way. The simple plot was conducted nicely. For a first try in romance genre, it’s excellent.