/ Fantasy / Universal Mercenary System
Synopsis
When he was on the verge of death, he was given a new lease at life by an unknown being.
He traveled throughout the Universe as a Mercenary for it, having a System as his guide.
He could be a scavenger, a bodyguard, an assassin or a murderer. He would do it all for the favor of a new lease at life.
Watch as he completes his missions all throughout the Universe!
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34Reviews
4.47
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Original score would be 1.6, but I'm leaving it as 3 as encouragement. There are many details that are not well thought out, and it hurts the story. I'll try to keep things to main points, so it doesn't drag too much. Writing: below average at best, grammar and vocabulary needs more improvement. If possible, you might want to get a proper editor to help you. You often add irrelevant or redundant details to your sentences, eg. Repeating 'excited' 2 or 3 times in one paragraph. Your writing is uninteresting, it doesn't draw in the reader, you tell them what happens instead of showing it. Eg. 'The gun clicks, which says it's empty.' The transition from this to the remaining fight scene is choppy. One way to improve on the fight scenes is to play with the MC's 'body' a bit, toy with the perspectives and add more physical detail to make it more dynamic. Eg. 'He frowned at that click. Empty huh... Daggers then, as he pulled them out from the inventory. MC leapt towards the enemies in one move, and decapitate the nearest assassin with his momentum. It took them a second to orient themselves from his sudden action, and MC exploited that. Another decapitation to his right and he pushed himself off to the one on his left. That one's next.' Don't tell us about the fight, be in the fight with MC, show us how it went, make us feel as if we are him/with him experiencing the action. Don't write a static scene for us, it feels like MC just took pot shots at stationary targets instead, target 1 here, he stabs, target 2 there, he shoots. 'His heart was thumping loudly, adrenaline was one hell of a drug. He couldn't stop the mad grin crawling up his face as he went after the last one. Pistol out, MC stared at no.10 right in the eye as he pulled the trigger. That shot rang out loudly in the now silent night, "Ding" went his system, as the completion screen popped up in his view. All done before dinner too, perfect.' Your characters: let's start with MC first, he is a robot. If he does not emote often, then add in more details/adjectives to the times that he does. A shy smile, a devious grin, a sly smirk, burning anger, frustrated roar, gritting his teeth in frustration, murderous rage. That would let readers know more about him, how strong were his emotions on the scale at that point. Charcaters who don't express much emotions tends to exaggerate their emotions more when they do, was that how your MC is like? How worried was he on the scale? Pacing around in circles, biting his lips, staring into the distance deep in his thoughts? It helps in character building so we are not stuck with a blank template of MC. At this point, all I know of him is he has white hair, purple eyes (?), is 17, seems to have almost no emotions. Your side charcaters are also very unrealistic. The girl just went through a traumatic event, had the MC decapitate a man in front of her, was probably covered in that man's blood together with MC and she just decides that this person could be trusted? Sharing a hotel room, then a bed with him? No night terror? No despair over her sh*tty life? The instant MC appeared, she was cured of all her problems in life. No need for psychologist or anything? The lackey is also the same. They trust far too easily after just experiencing a traumatic event. Plot: I guess it's going to be a typical xianxia plot then, just need the dumb bimbo harem to appear before everything's in place. I'm not going to expand on my disdain for this trope. Plot convinience, plot armour and mary sue characters are the main flaw for this type of plot. Please do not make this girl one of his future love interest, otherwise this would be grooming, and that's messed up.
I know that you can see this so can you at least answer me and tell me if your going to contimue ith mercinary system and when..........................................
As much as I like the "Slice of life" thing he got going on it brings lots of predictability and baggage. While the story/mission is hurtfully bland. shoot bad guys, save these people, get money. nothing is explained. while i do get you to want to save it for "later" it's still bland IMO. The reason I'm giving this a 3.4 sorry for that. that its really average and nothing unique is brought on to the table. cliche and the slice of life thing is pretty generic just my opinion here. the guy just adopts a kid out of nowhere and you want it as "Plot"... After the assassination of that child rapist, there is no news, no police, no perspective change. it's just painfully bland and that's all I gotta say I'll still read the novel and its just the starting point here, it will get better/ or worse because only time will tell. I won't give any power stones because there is a lot of better and interesting stories than this. don't hate me for it, its a review and it's my perspective on what I feel about the novel. I'm sticking around to read because its interesting but I hope you add more police and even expect someone to investigate a person who saves them. yeah :P
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It feels like you seriously wasted 18 chapters to build him up, just to make him start from scratch. Which is a real disappointment, next time you should just drop the novel and re-write it instead.
always love the system, MC is ruthless and realistic, hope that hell be able to feel other emotions rather than always being cold and indifferent and what about other cultivation novel? dropped?
Actually its a cool ๐ ๐ ๐ story but please when do we get the nxt chapter and how do u update because its taking so long for update..................................
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Its so interesting and i can stop reading it i just hope that they will update soon and please make it long chapter pleaseeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
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Reveal Spoiler Is the story is really great its just so long for them to post an update and can you please make it a long update pleaseeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!! And about feng can you please make his character a bit interisting in a way of conversing in other character!!!!!!!!!
What a life changing machine that can turn someone into an assassin, bodyguard, soldier. This is incredible, now what will he do with the ten kids he saved.
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One of the best stories I've read so far. so glad to finally read a system story without a harem please update more. I hope to see magic abilities in the upcoming chapters.
I love the medical system and how it has him save people but I find it ironic that instead of using medicine to save people he has to kill people and it seems that the system wants him to build a organization in the future
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Thk for updating. Pls update soon T-T!! Cant wait to read next chapter... .................................................................................................
The story was so intense the character is so strong and i cant wait to read the next chapter can you please do it two chapter at update please๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐
Thanks for this masterpiece. This is a novel you will fall in love with. The only problem is that the world has not been so developed, but it is not a big problem. And the stability of launching new chapters is not very high.
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Thk for updating. Pls update soon!! Cant wait to read next chapter... .................................................................................................
I am not used to write reviews on the stories I read but I will make an exception for this one , This story is great almost an hidden gem ! Their is a system but not the usual and cliche one , the characters and the main one are very uncommon I like this story too because of the unusual type of world, this is a grey-dark world where everything is clearly not all pink I really want to read more to see the development of the characters and the evolution of the novel !