Overlord_Venus
Lv 5- Joined Dec 2017
- India
- Male
I'm Master Chef Antarctica, expect some super cool delicacies from me
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Published more than 100000 words on Webnovel
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Original Works
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My Siren Brother
A series of poems that pave the way to a general plotline. Words, Music, and Memories interlink in mysterious ways to bring about a change in our lives.
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I Hate Systems
4.6
An intergalactic war occurs in the universe. A cowardly god who managed to escape the war chances upon Earth in his escape path. What happens next? The Earth faces an apocalypse, unlike anything humanity has ever encountered. Humans, cats, dogs...even trees, as all lifeforms evolve to gain supernatural abilities, will humans still reign at the top of the food chain? Not just living organisms, even electronic gadgets gain sentience and related supernatural abilities. Is that all? They also bury themselves into humans and act as your typical RPG style 'Systems'. Are they allies of humans or do they have some sort of hidden agenda? Watch as our seemingly normal MC tries to deal with all sorts of dangers in the new post-apocalyptic world. Would he be able to maintain his ego till the very end? Or would he get dominated by a System? Runner-up in the #32 writing contest: Systems
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So, Humans Were GODS All Along?
4.8
The ‘Power of Creation’, a trait that manifested in the race that called themselves ‘Gods’ was neither an object nor some source of divine energy, but it was this very trait that made them seem invincible. All lives prospered under the Era of the Gods, resources were plenty, health conditions were at the very best, and life blossomed. All except the race called ‘Humans’. Humans were small, weak, had low lifespans and were almost at the very bottom of the power structure, food chain, etc. Their survival was difficult. Countless hardships, a millennium of preparation, and finally, a forbidden ritual. Humans obtained the ‘Power of Creation’ and became the ‘Gods’ themselves. Harnessing the ‘Power of Creation’, humans created various tools, technologies, medicines, etc and became the dominant race on Earth. 10,000 years had passed since then. Humans had entered the Silicon Age and geniuses sprouted like grass. Every day, new technologies were developed, medicines researched, weapons created and new frontiers of the vast space explored. Finally, on one fine day during our glorious era, humans finally exhausted the ‘Power of Creation’ that they stole from the Gods. How will humanity survive from here on? ________________________________ Joined the Writing Prompt Contest #80 Level Up. ------------------------------- Join our Discord server to stay updated: https://discord.gg/Q544Bxu
Moments
Phirun_Tara: Thanks for finally publishing this chapter! Please keep it going 🙏
Godly Model Creator · C811
Overlord_Venus: Good things always from short. Many significant things are about to be mentioned next chapter and this is the prelude to them
Chrysalis · C404
Error_Name: Wtf is this chapter? Basically nothing happend AT ALL. He just said some words about his gland and met with that mind mage. All... Even calling this a cliffhanger isnt correct. Its just cut in half chapter
Chrysalis · C404
Khatulistiwa: One is a local thug, other is a world-class criminal 🤣
Reverend Insanity · C1295
Goste: Chibi I think you made a typo.. was it not meant to say "Fang Yuan was a true and benevolent saint"?
Reverend Insanity · C1295
JohnnyKbca: When reviewing, I always give each category one extra star to the score. Except for newbie writers, who receive two stars, which seems to be your case.
Writing Quality 1: Where to begin on this one? First the milder stuff, things that I believe you can easily improve, but they also don't detract too much from the reading experience.
1 - Long paragraphs, AKA blocks of text: First I'll note that you've only done so occasionally. This is the most subjective one, as it depends both on the reader and the platform they're using to read. I read on the phone, and the last block on chapter 16 took up almost 2 full screens.
If you're writing on google docs, my advice is to try keeping paragraphs to 3 or 4 lines at most.
2 - {CHAPTER TITLES}: They are all in caps lock, which I've seen some times, and are inside braces, which is my first time seeing. My advice is to get rid of both and write them as you normally would: capitalize the first word and any proper nouns. E.G: Chapter titles
3 - [Sound effects]: You have a habit to write down sounds inside brackets, which distracts the reader a bit.
Chapter 15 E.G.: "...unsettling now.
[Sound of knock on the door]
Without even thinking..."
You could easily change it to:
"...unsettling now.
There was a knock on the door. Without even thinking..."
4 - Isolated punctuation: For some reason, any punctuation that isn't a period is written preceded by a space: "...morning ?" "You ! Kneel here !"
Just remove these spaces and you'll be fine: "...morning?" "You! Kneel here!"
5 - Underscores (_): For some reason, you've written some words separated by an underscore. My best guess is that you're trying to represent stutters or stammers. If so, the correct punctuation may vary, but it never is an underscore.
Here's a blog post explaining it in more detail http://***.novelpublicity.com/2012/03/ask-the-editor-when-do-you-use-an-em-dash-when-do-you-use-an-elli**is/
P.S.: I don't know if webnovel still blocks copy/paste. If so, just google "novelpublicity hyphen em dash", it should be the first result.
Yes, I know. At first glance, it all may seem like a lot, but they can actually all be corrected in a couple of hours. Furthermore, I always recommend using a correcting tool such as Grammarly, which will even take care of some of these problems for you.
That's why these are the easy things to correct. Now to the hard part:
Most of the time reading it, I've felt like the novel wasn't written in English but rather translated to it. That's quite common with new writers from non-English speaking countries, and I'm guessing you fit in this category.
No shame in that, I'm from Brazil myself.
Anyways, the problem is that it causes the writing to feel unnatural, and there isn't an easy solution for that. My advice would be to start consuming as much English media as possible to slowly get more familiar with the language. Books, articles, films, TV shows, video games, music, etc.
It'll take time, but that is the best way I know to solve it.
Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.
Story Development 4: This actually came as a pleasant surprise. Most writing problems could already be noticed in chapter 1, so I expected the other categories to also have lots of problems. Boy, was I wrong. Or rather, girl, was I wrong. Get it? A pun... I tried, okay?
Moving on, the story really pulled me in and kept me interested throughout the chapters. My only problem with it is how sometimes there's a lack of emotion where there should be. Unfortunately, I don't know how to explain it better.
Character Design 3: Some characters have personality, Charis for example, while others not so much. I can understand the MC's thought process, as well as the Queen and King, although sometimes I do feel like these last two are a bit 1 dimensional.
Others characters though, behave in ways that don't make sense. Case in point, Ezlynn, and the other serving girls. They are first shown trying to hold in their fear of Charis. Then she shows them some consideration and next thing you know, they no longer have any fear and want to serve her. And this all happened in six paragraphs.
Like, what? I can see what the author attempted here, but the way she did it felt rushed at best.
Also, as stated in my mini-essay above, some of the writing feels unnatural which is even more noticeable during the dialogues. Most times, characters talking feel weird, which ends up damaging their design.
World Background 5: Nothing to criticize here. From chapter 1 you've done a great job at painting a picture of the surroundings, while gradually also building up the world's details.
Review score (1+5+4+3+5)/5 = 3.6
Score given (3+5+5+5+5)/5 = 4.6Calla Lily, The Eunuch King's Goblin bride
Overlord_Venus: I like the way the author has tried to draft the story, it feels....poetic. when I'm reading it, I couldn't help but hum along the sentences.
Something about the grammar felt off putting the me; the change of tenses and the use of words that didn't exactly signify the intended meaning of the sentence ( thankfully, it didn't break my immersion since I could make out what the author was intending to convey)
The usage of different POVs within a single chapter decreased my immersion. (Since it feels unnecessary to change POVs multiple times.)
The way in which the emotions were conveyed were too abrupt and short so they didn't actually register in my mind. And moreover, too many sudden 'emotions' cropped up in a chapter that didn't do the situation any Justice.
Storyline: The story follows an interesting premise where a goblin princess transmigrated/teleported to a kingdom that is completely beauty centered.
The citizens of the kingdom with only beauty in their brains blame the ugly goblin princess (relative to their beauty standards) for their misfortunes ( their kingdom was under a deadly curse).
This is the story of the poor goblin princess Held captive by the king of humans as she struggles to change their views of her while the Kings seeks to rid the curse of his kingdom through her.
Conclusion: The novel would turn into a pleasant read with a bit of editing. It has a good rhythm to it so readers can probably sing the sentences 👍Calla Lily, The Eunuch King's Goblin bride
Something about the grammar felt off putting the me; the change of tenses and the use of words that didn't exactly signify the intended meaning of the sentence ( thankfully, it didn't break my immersion since I could make out what the author was intending to convey)
The usage of different POVs within a single chapter decreased my immersion. (Since it feels unnecessary to change POVs multiple times.)
The way in which the emotions were conveyed were too abrupt and short so they didn't actually register in my mind. And moreover, too many sudden 'emotions' cropped up in a chapter that didn't do the situation any Justice.
Storyline: The story follows an interesting premise where a goblin princess transmigrated/teleported to a kingdom that is completely beauty centered.
The citizens of the kingdom with only beauty in their brains blame the ugly goblin princess (relative to their beauty standards) for their misfortunes ( their kingdom was under a deadly curse).
This is the story of the poor goblin princess Held captive by the king of humans as she struggles to change their views of her while the Kings seeks to rid the curse of his kingdom through her.
Conclusion: The novel would turn into a pleasant read with a bit of editing. It has a good rhythm to it so readers can probably sing the sentences 👍 View More
Calla Lily, The Eunuch King's Goblin bride
UnholyPhoenix: A huge flaw huh... Well, of course there's one, after all, things can't go perfectly for Fang Yuan.
As for what this flaw may be... i have two theories:
1 - Lifespan Gu will not work on him, after all, is a body that is tecnically a Gu, and i don't know if it can be used on him.
2 - From the same idea that the body is tecnically a Gu, maybe it needs to be feed something special, like all other Gu?Reverend Insanity · C1290
Eastiling: Berserk Beast Overlord: "Are they for real?"
Subject: "These Humans are crazy..."
Overlord: "Commence attack. If they want to be idiots and weaken themselves we'll eat well tonight."
All Beasts: "Stupid humans."Godly Model Creator · C807
LittleEccentric: A black hole, even one the size of a penny is able to tear apart a whole planet and possibly even more. It's no surprise that Garralosh wouldn't just die easily as this is pangera afterall.
Plus it's a gravity bomb not a black hole bomb. The novel would've ended instatly the moment Anthony was able to create even the smallest gravity bomb with a strength comparable to a real black hole. Mc would've died even by just trying to create one. Imagine an penny sized black hole tearing your face layer by layer as you try to conjure it.
If it was earth then garralosh would have been crushed by her own weight due to that sheer size so it's somewhat acceptable that she would've survived something like a gravity bomb. Don't be too tilted, next chapter she will really die.
Also why does everyone complain so much just because they didn't like something. If you don't like it then don't read it. Authors don't have time for baseless complaints. Readers are literally feeding off their hardwork like a leech so just stop complaining already and deal with it. You sound like some immature brat.
It would be good if you complained if the novel was **** but sadly for you chrysalis is actually pretty good. I guess you're just salty after getting hit with a cliffhanger and wanting more only to be denied extra chapters due to the update schedule. Sucks to have zero patience like you.Chrysalis · C399
Tsingher: Great Chap RhinoZ, will be back tomorrow.
Funny even with all the raging, they come back every day.Chrysalis · C399
Daoist_Rubeno: Damn you. It was good chapter, I enjoyed it. So what if only it was about gravity bomb and MC survival?
Should whole chapter be: "black sphere expanded and winked out end of chapter".
It was dramatic since spell was overpovered in every way,.Chrysalis · C399
DaoistSunder: He has Wisdom and he has Perseverance. Now he just needs Self and Strength.
The wisdom to progress. The perseverance to follow through. The self to not lose sight of your goal, and the strength to achieve what you seek to achieve
I believe it will form a rank 10 Gu.Reverend Insanity · C1285
Curium255: 5 Stars is not enough for this chapter, is there a way to rate it higher?
Reverend Insanity · C1285
Lewd_Cat_Goddess: I cried... for Fang Yuan.
His kindness and diligence paid with betrayal and selfishness. His hardwork bears pitiful result because of his talent. Forced to bear the mark of evil to cultivate, struggling for 500 years never seeing that day to come.
Like Uncle big beard said, as a child, yearns to be a legendary hero, as a youth, yearn to be the clan leader, as an *****, content of being a clan elder, as a middle aged men, content with living alone quietly, as an old men, at peace of facing his death alone quietly. Fate is cruel. Too cruel.Reverend Insanity · C1285
Hentai_Immortal: The concept of this chapter felt so good I forgot it was similar to when FY refined immortal travel gu. It’s like every time it happens it’s used to define FYs character
Reverend Insanity · C1285
ZenothPoint: It's a huge motivator for me. Fang Yuan's quotes, experiences, and The legends of renzu have so many lessons in mindset and goal-achieving that directly relate back to in real life business and interactions.
Reverend Insanity · C1285
SolAce_: read carefully ppl, this is one of the most amazing scenes in the whole book, don't be in a hurry to comment and just let it digest first
Reverend Insanity · C1285
Hentai_Immortal: What the actual ****. This was the most moving chapters I’ve ever read from a novel in this site and Wuxia world. Imagine when the Manhwa catches up to scene or imagine if there was ever an animated adaption of this scene.
Reverend Insanity · C1285
Demon_Venerable: Thumbs up if you agree with me: The 20 min or so I read this book everyday have become a sort of psychiatric therapy for me. It's hard to describe how important this is for me.
Reverend Insanity · C1285
Overlord_Venus: I have only read the first five chapters, but I could somehow guess the story level.
Let me begin with the cons:
1) First of all, the grammar was bad, bad enough to break my immersion ( I am a grammar Nazi, so maybe the general readers of WN wouldn't be as much bothered as me)
2) Another thing that disoriented me was that I couldn't feel any emotions when I read the emotions exhibited by the FL since it was too abrupt and short lived. There was neither any previous context to infer from nor were the FL's past explained. So all I can know when I'm reading is that 'the FL is crying because she experienced something horrible 5 years ago'.
3) There were other aspects of the story that felt like the author hasn't done much research into the subject ( this is my own belief, take it with a pinch of salt and sugar )
Anyway, there were also some things I enjoyed in this story:
1) the Female lead: she's portrayed as a strong character and not as a flower.vase like in other romance novels
2) the plot is kept simple for the readers who just want a light read
3) readers don't need too much imagination power as the backgrounds described in each situations are really simple environments with simple short description about them.
Conclusion: Readers expecting some light hearted romance without having to invest their complete minds can have a shot at this bookThe wife of the underworld Lord is a ceo
Let me begin with the cons:
1) First of all, the grammar was bad, bad enough to break my immersion ( I am a grammar Nazi, so maybe the general readers of WN wouldn't be as much bothered as me)
2) Another thing that disoriented me was that I couldn't feel any emotions when I read the emotions exhibited by the FL since it was too abrupt and short lived. There was neither any previous context to infer from nor were the FL's past explained. So all I can know when I'm reading is that 'the FL is crying because she experienced something horrible 5 years ago'.
3) There were other aspects of the story that felt like the author hasn't done much research into the subject ( this is my own belief, take it with a pinch of salt and sugar )
Anyway, there were also some things I enjoyed in this story:
1) the Female lead: she's portrayed as a strong character and not as a flower.vase like in other romance novels
2) the plot is kept simple for the readers who just want a light read
3) readers don't need too much imagination power as the backgrounds described in each situations are really simple environments with simple short description about them.
Conclusion: Readers expecting some light hearted romance without having to invest their complete minds can have a shot at this book View More
The wife of the underworld Lord is a ceo
Datimo: That was just messed up. Totally out of Character for An Lin. How could he not kill a Zombie Queen that was about to kill his dad yet randomly kill a "Jabanese" guy who did absolutely nothing to him.
I Might Be A Fake Cultivator · C312
kolarthecool: Of course it was, he literally had zero reason to kill that guy. Just cause he was hiding nearby? Since when has An Lin been so cruel?
I Might Be A Fake Cultivator · C312
RobynHood: This was a strange chapter. I'm not sure if this was a parody of Chinese-Japanese relationships or a straight up mockery of Japan since it acknowledged that Chinese like Japanese things despite despising the Japanese people/government for Imperial Japan's actions.
I Might Be A Fake Cultivator · C312
Reverend Insanity · C1273
Demon_Venerable: Damn, I wish it was Love Gu that ended up in Fang Yuan's pocket. Instead it is Love Gu's retarded cousin Affection Gu.
Reverend Insanity · C1273
SinB: Heyhey~
Rwgey here, this is my version of the world-championships for The King's Avatar. (If you haven't check it out, I suggest doing so)
But besides that, thanks to Murakami_Takai for the help on the draft/working with me on this!!
If you're reading The Queen's Avatar and have come over here for some odd reason, don't worry! I will be uploading both novels simeultaneously.
Anyways, hope you guys enjoy~Our Glory
Demon_Venerable: To be fair, the relationship between these two would have been among the good ones in any other novel. It is just that this novel is so exceptional that in comparison this love story is so cringeworthy. We have all been tempered by Fang Yuan's brilliance.
Reverend Insanity · C1266
