Boogada23456 - Profile

I’ll be honest that I thought that this was going to be a novel that I would skim through parts of it to get to the main points but to my surprise it has held my complete attention from the beginning till now and the way the story has been building up leaves nothing to be desired and am really looking forward to how everything is going to unfold so keep up your great work I’m having a lot of fun reading this

Honestly this is a very fun novel it’s chaotic but in a good way the main flaw that it has is the Mc feels like he is blipping in and out of reality and everything around him becomes background noise is the best way I can describe it still really fun to read hope you keep it up

So far this is a very good fanfic with very little problems. Like the fact that every time the story moves forward it stagnates in place for a little to long, killing the anticipation from previous chapters builds up. As well as the mc not really having a goal in this novel, mainly because you have written him as an in the now type of guy. Also kinda having his personality and motivations scattered all over the place, and just as a reminder becoming the strongest is a fact in this novel, not a goal anyways you are doing really good keep it up.

Originally I was going to just give a comment but it turned into a rant so, I put it here ignore it if you want.The thing that probably bugs most people is the way you keep drawing out the story, sure it’s fine to tell us his inner turmoils but doing it as much as you have gets old fast. The thing about a fanfic that most people love is it’s fast pace in certain aspects, like training you can skip over most of that and give us the results. But you add so much that I just start skimming the chapters till something catches my attention. Another thing fanfics are known for is their fast pace love due to most of the audience hate for a slow romance that takes most of the novel to be realized. You don’t have to make it instant but don’t make the mistake of dragging it out like you have been doing with most of these chapters. With how much you have written you’d think a few years would have pass because at minimum it’s been a few weeks to a month at max 2 months. In the end you greatest mistake was not making this an original novel, and using the the dc universe as it’s background. Because in the end most of if not all the complaints you get is people want a fanfic with its fast pace and gets to the authors point. In other words showing the dissatisfaction the authors and readers have with an already existing work and making it what they think is better. What you are doing is writing an original novel with a dc universe background, the reason people are mad at you is that you are adding to the dissatisfaction with all the whining your mc does. Mister pity be I’m not from this world I’m the victim, mister instead of training I’m going to go on missions and steal drugs but all to get me stronger, not like I’m biting off more than I can chew. It’s not like I’ll cause any problems to the time line if I tell Batman and manhunter he’s a cartoon character and tell him the plots of several other universe making them slowly fall into madness with the information. You claim the mc was a normal guy but no one normal would risk their lives for half the things he has, and your excuses of oh I’m going for realism only works if you are dispelling the dissatisfaction of the readers at certain parts of the novel but you don’t. Now if you look at it through the eyes of an original novel this has great potential and a lot of people would be anxious for more, but as a fanfic the only things that are holding this novel together, is the hope of the mc becoming a truly bad@ss character. And the love interests which hopefully you don’t f@ck up by dragging it out because you mc is drama queen enough for this novel. Now even though I said all those negative things this is still a good novel so keep it up

Alright let start with the praises, the way you handled the mc personalities and power is one of the best points of this novel. At least unlike some others you didn’t shame the name of Darkside by making a coward(cough p@ssy) of an mc that is hung up with not only his morality, but his naivety of human nature making there mc a whiny little sh¥t. Now onto the bad parts the way you introduce the girls is not wrong but not right either when describing them it should be through the mc eyes not the authors it will give it a better impact/impression to the reader also the not giving them a name till the end of the description part is best to reveal them unless you want this girl to be mysterious having us guessing only revealing who she is when she meets the mc because if you are going to reveal the name then why omit it, it just comes off as annoying. Now for the main problems of this novel is that it has no foundation for his dream to conqueror everything, it’s pretty vague and kinda empty, collecting the girls is less vague at the moment. Are you going to kingdom/empire build how are you going to lead it ……etc there are so many things you can do but none of it has been addressed because 2 chapters in it started a side story that still hasn’t ended!!! Let’s wrap this up with an idea you can have the mc pastime messing with the main world hero’s and villains in this case earth while his army conquerors the universe also don’t forget to put people that can fight the mc because bulldozing through everything gets boring and one of this novel main points it the mc power growth anyways fun novel and hoping for more chapters.

This is a really good fanfic but the main problem is that in the beginning you put to much realism to the point that you should put it on the summary as a warning because as a fanfic the readers want something more than the original and the first 25ish chapters are mainly disappointments due to too much information on some points or not enough information mixed with the mc naivety. And that he doesn’t understand the pecking order of this world which is the Nobel system unless you are in it you have no voice in this world. In the end your mc is a powerful nobody that will accomplish nothing until he enters it. Most other fanfic don’t have this problem due to their mc being born nobles or royalty. Your final main problem is that aside from training your mc doesn’t have a goal, dream or aspirations so far he is just existing which brings down the quality of the novel. Just so you know you have been boing better in these later chapters and hoping for more

I finally remembered the second main flaw of the mc it’s that he is basically a mission driven machine that doesn’t stop to make the most profit.and making the fact that he has no true enemy or goal in his life in the end this character just exists moving aimlessly in both lives which is ironic considering his system.