db323

3yr

Replied to db323

The point is they are both hyenas it is illogical that her entire head fits in. Also the author repeatedly brings up animal butts. To me it hasn't been done in a humors way like ISSTH, but more weird and unnecessary.

The hyena queen had the right to eat first. She started eating from the male hyena's soft anus. When she was enjoying her food, she even stuffed her entire head in!

db323

3yr

Commented

What is wrong with this author? That doesn't even make sense.

The hyena queen had the right to eat first. She started eating from the male hyena's soft anus. When she was enjoying her food, she even stuffed her entire head in!

db323

3yr

Commented

Please read your own writing. There are too many mistakes. "like you what you said ."

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Harry Potter(being rewritten visit new version.)

Book&Literature · kandepi2

When Ye Bei had consumed the entire Giant Eagle, his evolution points increased by an impressive ten thousand. At the same time, he clearly felt that his physical fitness had improved tremendously again. However, his length and girth remained unchanged.

Python Rebirth on Survival Island

Urban · Gaze Through the Winter Water

db323

3yr

Commented

Conveniently forgot about the divination.

"Professor... I.... I never told you one thing." Chris said, frowning. "I usually have some dreams... they're always clear like your memories... I see myself standing there but no one hears me or sees me... and they're all related to the Hogwarts founders."

Harry Potter and the Fortunate Queen

Book&Literature · Mystical_Snowflake

db323

3yr

Commented

*funeral x3 It only takes a minute to use a spellchecker author.

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Harry Potter and the Fortunate Queen

Book&Literature · Mystical_Snowflake

db323

3yr

Commented

*existence

"Can you at least give me a hint? About my existents? I mean who am I?" Chris asked.

Harry Potter and the Fortunate Queen

Book&Literature · Mystical_Snowflake

db323

3yr

Commented

I think it should be: *it took a while for Chris to wrap her head around this whole thing.* I have never heard it said the way you did it. Also I have noticed some other things, anyways it could do with a re-read and edit. Just my thoughts.

It had been a month since Professor Minerva McGonagall of Hogwarts informed the Nortons that Christina was a witch. At first, Chris and her father were very sceptical but then Minerva McGonagall showed them real magic and Mr Norton was over the moon. It took a while to Chris to wrap this whole thing around her head but at the end, she realised that deep down she knew something wasn't right with her. Now it was official that she wasn't normal. She was a witch. She wanted to do and learn magic right away but the first instruction from Professor McGonagall was, "Do not try to do magic outside of school. After the admission, underage students are forbidden to use magic outside. You could get expelled if you intentionally use magic at home in front of Muggles."

Harry Potter and the Fortunate Queen

Book&Literature · Mystical_Snowflake

db323

3yr

Commented

*assassination

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Monarch of Time

Eastern · ZeusTheOlympian

db323

3yr

Commented

HP stayed the same after level up.

Hp: 120/120

The Great Demon System

Fantasy · Drip

db323

3yr

Replied to xLeafx

This is weak writing author. They kidnap him, tie him up, and torture him all so he will willingly hand over a necklace instead of just taking it?

"Fuck! Why aren't you giving up that necklace! What's so important about it that you would endure all this torture?" Nathan screamed as he punched Moby in the face.