Alexander_Scott_6422 - Profile

just finished the first three chapters & it seems to be off to a good start but let's get to where there should be some improvements & that's the small spelling mistakes, i know it doesn't seem like much but it DOES MATTER how the story scans to the reader. its like driving down a good road & everything good, the sun's shining but there's a cool breeze that's just right with your favourite song playing & then [Kerplunk], you've hit a pothole & it's ruined that good mood you were in. Small things do matter, anyway keep up the good work, looking forward to reading the next chapters

First it's "Slope Sheep" but then the boss turns up & it's a "Goat"? you do know that their not even the same species? just because they're mammals, have 4 hoofed legs, eat grass etc does not make goats & sheep the same. is this like when in translated novels rats & mice are considered the same thing? if i was the author I'd consider changing the "Goat" to "Ram" (or even "Slope Ram")

about my comment in the chapter before, the MC has the ability to void any creepiness into the absolute mundane........ enjoy eating

i must admit the writer does have the ability to insert a sense of creepiness into their story, which as someone who has read alot of horror isn't as easy as it seems, especially as i'm actually deeaaddd........ WwooooUooooHoooaha. keep up the good work 👍

nice start but...... spelling mistake, break should be brake (or brakes as that's what people usually use). looking forward to see how the story develops

as the doll is physically solid it's not a ghost, more like Chucky. can't think at the moment of any other dolls that move (not including his so called girlfriend) can you?

even though the MC has been in this new world (dimension) for three months i think the author should insert a bit about this world like where (country/city) he is. if he's in L.A (Hollywood) or it's equivalent in this world it wouldn't be Yuan but Dollars, if he's still in China then Yuan is okay but Pppllleeeaaassssee don't have the translation switch back & forth between 2 or more currency's

was this based on an actual game???

it was "yuan" in the last chapter & now it's "units" please choose which one to constantly use, though since we're in a different dimension/universe i prefer my suggestion of "credits". Yup, mine is best...... or maybe gild?

p.s: forgot to say I'm liking the story so far so keep going to the Author (& readers)

i agree about why is the sister calling him "Mr", i also think "999.999 yuan" is a mistake (as that's actually less than a thousand with using a full stop in the middle of the six numbers & though still affordable to some stupid people) & should be changed to using a comma & a few more numbers making it IMPOSSIBLE for any player to afford to leave & and also change yuan to credits that the whole world uses ( ex: 999,999,999,999 credits [yuan] is over 999 Billion credits [yuan], or is that a Trillion?). if someone can afford to pay that......

as usual, using he instead of she etc. these mistakes almost always turn up in Asian novels translated into English. while I'm used to this it's still 'Annoying'

nice story so far but that's not why I'm commenting, two words are joined up (facultyalso) so there should be a space between them(faculty also)

nice start.... but i'm a bit confused, he wants revenge on the boar (which i kinda understand) but he was finally killed by a poisonous snake & then takes in a King Cobra amongst the other underlings?

thinking e-sports should be e-games as whenever i see e-sports i imagine a gamer tapping away furiously while on a screen his avatar is running (or pole-volting etc) while competing against other gamers. i'm sorry, call me old fashioned but i always think of physical sports first when seeing the word sports

sorry autocorrect, breaks should be beaks

thinking that axe breaks should have a type of sealife included ( axe breaks gull/ axe breaks seal) as that would give a person a better idea of what it looks like because axe breaks at the moment give nothing for the imagination to grab hold onto

instead of halberd i think the author means trident

liking the start. couple of things: his sister explains the many buttons on the helmet & then it says there's only the one (the on/off button), why do i get the feeling the guy who disappeared years ago (I'll call him "ai guy" as no name was given) is infact his father?