Hyperious - Profile

What's the point in making the dust cloud to hide his identity when he can either wear a mask or use Transformation Jutsu, one of the basic Jutsus? Also how many more powers do you plan to have the MC acquire? I swear, in basically every Marvel fan-fic I read, the protagonists immediately start stealing powers, information, and money, so it gets kind of repetitive. Although in this case with the Life-steal ability, I am on board with it since it has pretty good synergy with the Naruto powers.

Another attack on Asgard. Can't imagine this will go well for either side.

I wonder if she's actually going to die, that would certainly be an interesting, unexpected twist. Maybe she gets brought back by this "Her", or manifests through the time stone? I don't actually know much about the Fate series, but I bet there's a way for her to come back from there too. She can't beat Odin physically, so in a way you could say she can hurt him mentally if he ends up being the reason she dies. Take that Odin. Need next chapter.

How does the summoning and absorption aspect of this system work? What does he summon? Is it limited to animals/beasts? If so, what would he summon? I don't know much about the mythical or any other powerful creatures in GoT, I only watched the show, never read the books. However, I did notice that the people from house Martell seem to be pretty fond of poisons, so maybe scorpions? Since they also fit with his house's geological location. If you want to focus on the poison aspect, Basilisks might be cool, from the wiki I read, not only is their poison very potent, even their blood is poison(?), not sure though, wiki says Basilisks are native to jungles, but they're basically big snakes, wouldn't be a super big stretch to say they're basilisks who have adapted to an arid environment like Dorne. Just a suggestion if the summoning system works even a little bit like I think it does/would. Still enjoying this so far.

I know Odin is a bad father and all, but is she really picking a fight with her entire realm because he replaced her presumably deceased mother and sealed her understandably dangerous power she couldn’t control at the time?

For the name, originally I would have suggested maybe a name of one of the notable ancestors of his family, they tend to like reusing names like that in Game of Thrones, but I couldn't really find any, though admittedly I did not do a very thorough search. His mother was Elia so maybe you could use that as a base and make a name from that, I feel like that's something that could likely realistically happen. I just want to say that I am by no means perfect when it comes to my own grammar, so my advice could very well be wrong, but I'm at least confident that I caught and more or less corrected the problems I found. A lot of these issues are small, like a comma missing, so it's really nothing big but I still tried to point them out. Either way you're way better than quite a lot of the other stories I find on this site. "not only I have to worry about the white walkers" "not only do I have to worry about the White Walkers" "...created your own mercenary company in Essos is that true?" "...created your own mercenary company in Essos, is that true?" "Doran asked Oberyn with a serious tone making Oberyn realize..." "Doran asked Oberyn with a serious tone, making Oberyn realize..." "all the people in the room heard and saw clearly how Oberyn's spear on his hand..." "all the people in the room heard and saw clearly how Oberyn's spear in his hand..." "First, you didn't do nothing about our sister..." First you didn't do anything about our sister..." "...a threatening voice that could produce fear on people." "...a threatening voice that could produce fear in people." "Oberyn, I took for an intelligent individual, however I didn't though you were just a stupid one." "Oberyn, I took you for an intelligent individual, not a reckless fool." (I just rewrote this whole sentence.) "...to gain Robert's, the new king favor. Even if we keep our nephew on Dorne he would get assassins to his room every day." "...to gain Robert's, the new King's favor. Even if we keep him here in Dorne, he would spend every day under the threat of their assassins." "Oberyn listened to his brother explanation silently, however on his mind he had doubts about some matters..." "Overyn listened to his brother's explanation silently, however, in his mind he still held doubts about some matters..." "I doubt Varys, the spider who was born on Essos won't have any spies on Essos." "I doubt Varys, The Spider who was born in Essos won't have any spies there." "...unbelievable happened surprising Jason..." "...unbelievable happened, surprising Jason..." "...ensure their nephew life..." "...ensure their nephew's life..." "Don't worry I won't make it painful." "Don't worry, I'll make it painless." "Oberyn started to get close to them, but in no moment, he dared to low his guard as he didn't know if they were telling the true or not. Jason looked sadly at what was going to happen as he knew how much this people cared for him and his mother." "Oberyn started to close in on them, but didn't dare to lower his guard for a second as he wasn't sure if they were being truthful or not. Jason looked sadly at what was going to happen as he knew how much these people cared for himself and his mother."

Pretty good so far, there are some grammar issues that make the story feel a little awkward when reading, but that's something that people tend to correct over time themselves. The names are a bit weird, Jason and William don't really feel like Dornish names at all. This is my personal opinion, but I genuinely dislike Systems in stories, they feel like a crutch because rather than find a creative way for your character to gain strength, authors would instead take the easy way and just have it given to their characters through some system. I'm also not overly fond of the quest aspect of systems because they really tend to dictate what the character should and should not do with the promise of some great reward should you prevail, or some terrible consequence should you fail, rather than the character deciding for themselves. I'm interested to see where this story goes, however, I don't think I'll be very invested in it if this is just gonna be another system-story.

All the swearing kind of feels out of place, and I have mixed feelings about the lottery system, it feels somewhat pointless? The protagonist already has super comprehension, super talent and "pseudo-immortality", so I honestly see no reason for it to even exist. Also in an upcoming chapter, I guess when the protagonist is matured, can we get a description of what he looks like? I don't think we've gotten one yet but my memory might be failing me.

I have a question. Why is he suddenly an anti-hero vigilante? I know he was keeping track of important individuals for a while, but this kind of came out of nowhere. Is he just going to keep on taking out individuals he deems as evil now that he's started? I can't imagine that working out, if you take away all of the villains, how are the heroes supposed to grow? I was enjoying all the magic, that's a part of Marvel of which my knowledge is pretty lacking.

I suppose the problem for me is that he's making all of these big moves with these big players and he hardly has the strength to support himself. Currently, he's a normal weak human who has the ability to turn invisible for a small amount of time (which I assume with the multitude of different abilities out there, quite a few people would still be able to detect him.), and a mind reading ability that would be pretty much useless, seeing as most if not all of the stronger individuals would have countermeasures for the superior ability, telepathy.

When I mentioned X-men I meant in the future. As for Hydra, his current partner is literally a guy who gets assassinated by them in the future, though I do admit that as long as he's useful to Shield right now, they won't act against him. Then there's Essex, I mean, you said it yourself, he's potentially going to end up as one of his experiments rather than as the business partner I think he's trying to become(?).

I feel like he's getting way in over his head here. Getting involved with Essex and Hydra and potentially making himself an enemy of the X-men in the future by antagonizing Wolverine by turning him into a test subject. I can't see a single possibility of things working out for him. Especially since it seems like he's hardly trained and/or explored his mutant abilities as well. I'm interested to see how he changes when this all blows up in his face, hopefully it changes him for the better.

I somewhat agree that the original name you chose felt a bit off, but there was absolutely no reason for you to change it. This is your story my guy. Don't cater so strongly to the readers or else your story is gonna end up incredibly warped. Also, in my personal opinion, I think naming the main character Escanor is pretty stupid. Escanor died, as did the other guy, new soul, new life, no memories of the past lives. Why would the new character have the name of a past life they have no knowledge of. TLDR: The name was fine, go back to