I love concepts of SI, tech development in medieval setting and Gamer element. So when I started reading story hoping to read a very good and interesting story, but then the negative points get bigger and bigger with each chapter. After 40 chapter, I currently stopped reading the story because of these negative point(these are my opinion, I may be wrong but ...) : 1-First three chapter: I think its better for story to remove all three chapters, if there is any necessary information for plot, a summary or small flash-back was enough, it was very hard reading and I didn't get attracted by it at all, better start was his birth chapter. 2- Mention of new Gods and scene from after life or other dimension: you have a world with enough Gods why involve something new that make it harder. 3- humor: I think that you were trying to write some funny scene, like the courtroom in afterlife or chapter about bloody snow and .... in my opinion It was not funny and it damaged the story because I don't know if it is a comedy or a serious story. was it really funny about a lord in privy receiving a messenger? 4- authors note: please don't post author note in middle of chapter. 5- many different POV: so many POV, Why? i think only animals don't have POV until this point in story. 6- jumping in timeline: many time a scene began and then in middle before reaching a conclusion, we have a jump to few days "before" for another scene, one time is good maybe for a surprise or describing why something happened but if you always use it it became a negative. 7- Gamer system: so as i said before when I saw the Level and gamer element I was more interested but it seems in all POV and other thing even author forgot that he has introduced a gamer element after few chapter then again in one chapter we had his status page and again gamer elements go away, if you are trying to design and show some complicated plot for story it is to complicated or you didn't convey it correctly. 8- OCs: why create so many OC to need describe and tell background for them? 9- Illogical decisions: Why didn't he sell soap to Tyrell? they sold food in higher price or because you wanted to create a scene where she come to north and say yeah he is a though negotiator! Why spread a rumor that he is a bastard, Because you wanted to have a comparison element for Jon snow! Why give go so much trouble using mercenary and mute messenger not once or twice but three time to deliver so many things and receive messages when a single first message was enough , it was better for Martell themselves to hide their sister, they were certainly are more capable than a small lord who suddenly create syringe and antidote to unknown disease in far and unknown Island. Why a breakdown for not saving everyone When he goes to so many length to save Eliya but don't do anything those who died at tower of joy , wasn't their rescue was far more simple? 10- so many useless dialogue and scene: Really inviting lord of north and messengers multiple chapter. it adds nothing to story. I stopped reading because before writing this review i read some other reviews and it seems problem get worse and bigger in later chapter, I wish you well and hope you continue writing maybe someday i will read some of your other works.
TV · Duncan_Randar
I love kingdom building and AU, so the main story idea is very good, although in my opinion, this story have few problem. 1- too much jump in timeline, it is like somebody took a novel and each time randomly post a chapter. you don't know you are reading start middle or the end of it. 2- each chapter or scene change must have a time and location title, to help understand what to expect from environment. 3-too much focus on side stories , how many chapter are spent on sea journey and kidnapping and ... are they main focus of story? I think all could have been a flash back in maybe half of chapter if it affects MC story. I already forgot the where we were before this side story began.
History · Well_In_a_Frog
Pornographic Content Hate or bullying Release of personal info Violence Spam Other
Webnovel 
I love concepts of SI, tech development in medieval setting and Gamer element. So when I started reading story hoping to read a very good and interesting story, but then the negative points get bigger and bigger with each chapter. After 40 chapter, I currently stopped reading the story because of these negative point(these are my opinion, I may be wrong but ...) : 1-First three chapter: I think its better for story to remove all three chapters, if there is any necessary information for plot, a summary or small flash-back was enough, it was very hard reading and I didn't get attracted by it at all, better start was his birth chapter. 2- Mention of new Gods and scene from after life or other dimension: you have a world with enough Gods why involve something new that make it harder. 3- humor: I think that you were trying to write some funny scene, like the courtroom in afterlife or chapter about bloody snow and .... in my opinion It was not funny and it damaged the story because I don't know if it is a comedy or a serious story. was it really funny about a lord in privy receiving a messenger? 4- authors note: please don't post author note in middle of chapter. 5- many different POV: so many POV, Why? i think only animals don't have POV until this point in story. 6- jumping in timeline: many time a scene began and then in middle before reaching a conclusion, we have a jump to few days "before" for another scene, one time is good maybe for a surprise or describing why something happened but if you always use it it became a negative. 7- Gamer system: so as i said before when I saw the Level and gamer element I was more interested but it seems in all POV and other thing even author forgot that he has introduced a gamer element after few chapter then again in one chapter we had his status page and again gamer elements go away, if you are trying to design and show some complicated plot for story it is to complicated or you didn't convey it correctly. 8- OCs: why create so many OC to need describe and tell background for them? 9- Illogical decisions: Why didn't he sell soap to Tyrell? they sold food in higher price or because you wanted to create a scene where she come to north and say yeah he is a though negotiator! Why spread a rumor that he is a bastard, Because you wanted to have a comparison element for Jon snow! Why give go so much trouble using mercenary and mute messenger not once or twice but three time to deliver so many things and receive messages when a single first message was enough , it was better for Martell themselves to hide their sister, they were certainly are more capable than a small lord who suddenly create syringe and antidote to unknown disease in far and unknown Island. Why a breakdown for not saving everyone When he goes to so many length to save Eliya but don't do anything those who died at tower of joy , wasn't their rescue was far more simple? 10- so many useless dialogue and scene: Really inviting lord of north and messengers multiple chapter. it adds nothing to story. I stopped reading because before writing this review i read some other reviews and it seems problem get worse and bigger in later chapter, I wish you well and hope you continue writing maybe someday i will read some of your other works.
Game of Thrones : Paladin of Old Gods (Draft)
TV · Duncan_Randar