/ TV / Game of Thrones : Paladin of Old Gods (Draft)
Game of Thrones : Paladin of Old Gods (Draft)
4.5 (100 ratings)
Synopsis
A boy dies as a result of friction between a demon and an angel. He will have to be compensated and it will be his lawyer who will fight for him to get what he wants most...
The plot, the world, the characters of ASOIAF belong only to its owner. All references to Wizard of the coast and all related owners of D&D and the world of Forgotten Realms belong to them. Changes to the plot and the inclusion of other characters, are of my own invention. This Fanfiction was not written with the intent to create profit but based on creativity and fun.
The cover Belong to me. This is just a draft (Although incredible) created by illustrator and artist rushiyt.
If you'd like to support my work, here's the link to my Ko-Fy donation page:
https://ko-fi.com/duncanrandargotpaladin
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4.5
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bit.ly/3LyRF1N ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
I'm going to be honest and say I really like the story when it first started but along the way it started to get weird and a little out there not saying it's a bad story but kind of got turned off it at some point for multiple reasons one of them being without giving too much away that the author decided to start giving out powers to other people because the main character had powers but we're supposed to be a gift which I have really disagree with I believe I brought this up to the author and he said he needed a balance out the world which in my opinion makes his gifts Absolutely pointless and negates the whole beginning of the story which I actually thought was kind of the 1 of the coolest part of the story The other main part of why I drew issue with the story is the author started to go way too deep and change the history of the world Some of it made sense from the story perspective and other parts we're just odd and did not make sense in any way shape or form it just got a little too strange and out there for me I think I stopped around chapter 108 reason I'm giving this three stars is because I really have not decided whether I want to continue reading this and if it's good or bad yet
this temporary rating and review, but i will give you spoiler... Heaven decide give him "System" but Heaven also made Rule : The More Your Power Grow, The More Power That Oppose You Grow. thats mean everybody in planetos/westeros have invisible or hidden system for themself, then what its different MC with have system and doesnot have ?? well, it does matter actually for me, heck even i hope MC can grow as strong as Saiyan, and let see bunch of Saiyan wrecking havoc in planetos...
Your writing on dialogue of a disaster, it feels like a meme. "ofc bloody snow, certainly quiet wolf!" the same for "xx from house xx". So, your story is slowly transforming into a skiping one, the ones you overview and then check a few things and then the next one. The issue is your writing and some decisions that make no sense, making this not relatable at all. At the same time it doesn't have the "serious" feeling this kind of series should have, so this is getting old real quick. My recommendation would be to read more and keep track of interesting dialogues to add to your vocabulary. The story (plot and new stuff etc) is really good for me, that is interesting. If you improve your writing it could go far in this site. Perhaps a few more challenging ones once you Edit all the chapters and make them good/competitive. IF that is your goal at all, if not ignore all this rambling, if you are just doing this for fun and you give zero phoks then my comment serves no purpose. I wouldn't recommend this with high expectations. Proceed at your own peril. (I will read tho)
This story was great until around chapter 50 where he lost all martial prowess and intellect against Dacey Mormont. Then after she says that she found his friend more attractive, you have them like each other out of no where a few chapters later. Dacey sucks as a pairing as well, no political gain at all, and she sucks as a person.
I hate novels suggesting children as low as 4 years old fighting like some kind of pro. Choosing warrior over magic was a bad choice. I think 5% of the word count goes to โMy lordโ and other addresses. A 5-7 year old child given control over his territory and speaking to other lords etc like an equal and suggesting that either they join him or be his enemies. To the author I would suggest some tume skip. I hate these novels that Herve people spamming reviews.
The premise of the story is very nice and could be an amazing story, however the author for of writing is extremely cluncky and the amount of POVS makes the story confusing due to the fact that the author can not properly label corectly would definitely give it a shot if the author fixed the errors.
To be honest, I expected more from this wondering it has 3, 6 million views, 90 reviews, and nearly 180 chapters but It seems I can't. -Failure of common sense - Random Comedy where it isn't needed or wanted - Constant shouting in random moments -cringy Monologue - Logic mistakes - Trying to nerf the Mc by making the World stronger( God and the Angels put him in this World I doubt it acts according to Le Chatelier even when this isn't chemistry, it feels like you applied this law here Etc etc
I really liked this story at first but this is game of thrones and there's barely any action just non stop planning/plotting for the future and the realms enemies. which I wouldn't mind but there's like 160+ chapters or whatever and I think we've had maybe about 12 chapters with actually action elements in it. I know game of thrones has plots and I'm not against it but the story needs balance man, it's suppose to have fighting,murder, poison and all the evilly things we love as fans of the show.
I'm ngl, I enjoyed the story at first but the cons outweigh the pros at this point (50 chapters in). The dialogue was akward with multiple misplaced commas and overuse of "my lord". Other people also profit from the MC's efforts. I wasn't against other people getting stronger as a butterfly effect of his existence like if magic came back earlier and was expanded or if the gods saw his potential and started becoming more active; but they level up with him, meaning that despite him being the one to put in the effort and not having complete access to the benefits provided by his level, they get all the benefits. The thing that really put me off though was that he became a pedophile simp (technically the same age range in his new life but he spent 100+ years in Heaven and was an adult in his previous life). Basically he lets a tomboy girl beat him up despite suffering extreme training and not even dodging.
Reveal Spoiler
this story is ok but it is so fragmented by the povs every chapter that you can't really follow. there are multiple times where something should have concluded just to switch to something completely different. all in all this is more like a bunch jumbled up thoughts not full brought out.
This fanfic, simply put, is a masterpiece compared to hundreds that I have read. In fanfics and originals, this is one of the best. The world building, the characters, the action, the romance, the intrigue, mystery and suspense, the writing, every thing that makes a story great this fanfic has. Unfortunately, it has one big flaw, a really big flaw. The MC is a child. A child I repeat. Not even a teenager but a child. If this is some clichรฉ shounen story, it would be fine. But this story has a really serious and well thought-out plot that having a child accomplish so much is really not very convincing and believable. Sure he will grow up but at 109 chapters where so many significant things happened, the very foundation that will define this story, he was but a child. As of the time I'm writing this he is 11 years old. He lead the charge in changing and improving the political, social and economic landscape of not just the north but the whole Westeros when he was just under 10 years of age. He is playing a dangerous game of death with various power houses not just in Westeros but even in Braavos . In military and business side, he has a group of loyal, strong and intelligent men & women at his command both in the light and in the dark. He killed hundreds of men at this point and is one of the top people in the power ranking in all of Westeros. Lead people to skirmishes and wars. Lead in strategic and tactical meetings about issues concerning the whole realm and many more impressive feats. Wonderful things really, the things that he has accomplished, if only he was not a child. If he was at least a teenager maybe it can be acceptable. But as a child, this is just too much. Remember that he accomplished all this things under 11 years of age. This is just my thoughts on it, and actually other that this I have no complaints whatsoever like so many readers that like to whine about every single flaw(for them) that they find. This flaw(for me) of being a child and doing all this stuff is just too much for me to ignore. How I wish the Author would rewrite this and at least make the MC a teenager if not an adult. This would have been a 5/5 star for me but I deducted a star just because of the age of the MC. Anyway, what a great read this was. Me being bothered by MC's age and writing this review shows how invested I am in this. This is just me ranting in my hopes of what this story could have been.
Dacey is described as a lanky woman nearly two yards and a foot tall.[2] Looking comfortable dressed in breastplate and chain mail.[3]Despite her complexion, Dacey looked elegant wearing dresses and dancing.[4] dacey is not among the most beautiful women in the north. Daenerys Targaryen brienne de tarth๐ Arya stark๐ฅฐ๐๐๐ are better options
good kingdom building at start protagonist acts cringey/unbearable magic structure is introduced late writing structure is not my cup of tea introduction of extras
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I think that i understand what the author is trying to do but the story is just waaaaaaaaay too slow and dragged out for my taste. 100 Chapters or so in and theyโre just getting to the assault on Pyke, bookmark this story like me so you can check when theres about 20+ chapters you havent readโฆhopefully the story will pick up a bit by then
Havenโt read the FF i just like the author............................................................................๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ
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"The writing quality is poor, and the way characters interact is not well-executed. I find the story overall unsatisfying. I'm uncertain about the recent chapter updates. The narrative feels disjointed, and I'm struggling to understand how it's plausible for a 5-year-old to behave like an adult. It's difficult to take a 5-year-old seriously in such a context. Additionally, the story appears to be granting more power to the enemy without clear justification, which is confusing. While the story may have some similarities with 'Game of Thrones' in terms of characters, it lacks the depth and consistency of the original series. Overall, the narrative feels disorganized. I would appreciate some revisions or, at the very least, a time skip to make the progression of events more believable. It's challenging to consider this level of maturity as normal, even in a fictional setting, when the character is only 5 years old. Please consider addressing these issues for a more coherent reading experience.
This story is good, really good. I started reading this with no prior knowledge of asoiaf and was still impressed by it. The author can sometimes give excessive information and backstory about the world, but if you brace through it, then the rest is good. Characters feel like real people, and not some words to push the plot forward. OCs are also well put together. cons: Antagonists are really powerful compared to the protagonist(ch-171) and if the story moves at the pace it is moving, it'll take a long time to complete the book(that's good too). Others getting powers for balancing every time he advances is irritating at first, but we rarely come across them, and it feels like they worked for it as well. Author, you are trying to cram politics, business, action, and magic into one story. I hope you don't get overwhelmed. I know you are writing a DnD-type power system here, but it'll confuse folks like me. Heal is easier to remember than 'lay of hands'. Also, pls show the stats from time to time or else people may forget them. I was initially conflicted about this story and after reading this, I tried reading other GOT fics only to realize that this is a gem compared to the other ones.
Absolutely AMAZING. So this fic is unique to some extent. This is no 'OP MC from the start' type of a fic. Here the MC suffers for thousands of years to accumulate the knowledge needed to survive in a world such as Planetos. Currently at chapter 10 as there are no chapters further ahead. MC seems smart and cunning. Some OC's introduction are phenomenal. The author has a good grasp on how to present a character, so far all the OC's are likeable. Hope the author continues and doesn't drop, as I believe the story has a lot of unexplored potential.