- 0 d Continuous Writing
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Deobot
male LV 12just somebody.. hello damn👇👇
2020-04-18 Joined United StatesBadges 10
Moments 224
mostly NVIDIA I think.
"Nah, my cloud computing venture just took off. We had made a lot of investments in there and recently won a really big military contract to securely store their data and give them the services they require. Dozens of companies began to flock to us after that as they thought we were the best company in cloud computing since we were the first ever business to win a government contract in that sector." I explained lazily knowing that I had just completely ruined Amazon's and Microsoft's future cloud-computing businesses with our way ahead-of-time patented and black-boxed cloud technology.
DC: I am Bruce Wayne
Anime & Comics · God_Doom
this will seem like heavy criticism so i will start with this statement first. I like the story so far. the idea of the boss being able to put stakes up for grim is cool. I love how you set everything up. but execution, sucked. the fight was kinda anticlimactic in my opinion, and you kinda just threw away the fight for flashbacks to memories. for example, you could have had grim still lose but have the boss backed into a corner as his henchmen fall asleep, when he uses the power of this mysterious sword to stab his henchmen to give him power and fight against grim. fight happens. traumatic kid tries to double team fight the boss but dies and grim ends up here. but the difference is, you added more detail to the fight and got creative. your jump to his loss nearly disregarded the whole sleeping gas and kid. side note: when making a villain you want the audience to hate, make sure the audience hates the villain, and not the story.
Sorry for the little rant, thanks to those who are enjoying the story, and I don't mind criticism, I take everyone's advice seriously, otherwise I wouldn't even respond to half the comments I get.
Marvel: Adventures of Grim Mortimer
Anime & Comics · samadomkv
I find your opinion flawed, the proposed idea is to crime lords(and villians i guess). people who value their own image and loyalty. if they don't go through with the deal, they will have big targets on there own backs. also, they are not forced to participate, so saying it's unfair doesn't seem right in a scenario where you know your enemy and choose to back out.
"Oh. My. God…" Harley exclaimed slowly with excited exhales. "Corrupt champions conquering for their crew~! Gangbanging Gladiators~! A Colesseum of Crime~!"
Gotham's Dead End Bar
Anime & Comics · Daddy
yeah, names is a big issue I'm this translation
Tang Yu looked over to find a familiar face—the silver-haired netrunner-thief, Pilar—from Team Maine, with their own dark secrets of the cyberpunk world.
Cyberpunk 2077: The Legendary Life!
Anime & Comics · FFAddict
let's hope he is not the fastest man alive.
My name is Alan. I don't know my last name.
Villain: Girlfriend Thief
Fantasy · Ani_On_Fire
didn't it just Say a few sentences back that he has no friends?
"Okay," Baek Yisoo agreed, this was a rare opportunity. Since the Baek Family was facing financial difficulties, the number of drinks entering the warehouse was very limited. So for the slaves, booze was as rare as a comet.
Seduction System
Fantasy · SageGumiho
I mean, he's not wrong.
Yigol Novák didn't press for an answer and continued, "From now on, just eat as much as you want. This is the time to grow. If you don't eat more now, you won't grow taller later, especially in height. If you don't grow taller now, you'll grow wider later."
My Trillion-Dollar Assets is Exposed by My Wife's Bragging!
Urban · Rainbow Bubble Fish
I dont know why, but the author, and evidently the audience as well, forgot what the serum did. It was originally treatment for a rare genetic disease, not a magic health potion. you don't inject someone with a flu vaccine if they are bleeding out.
When Peter, exhausted, climbed ashore and rushed to the point where Uncle Ben and Aunt May had fallen, Uncle Ben was on the verge of death. His internal organs had been torn apart by the powerful impact, and what kept him alive was the need to clear things up with Peter.
Marvel : Godly Lottery System
Movies · Lord_Immortal_0170
my theory is a time loop. past Arthur saved the wolf then went into the alternate timeline. this time line is the future where Kira has already grown and evolved. after returning from the timeline, Arthur will help Kira grow because of the connection, making him strong enough to help in the timeliness for past Arthur.
The small wolf, Arthur recognized as young Kira, turned around and started growling at him. Arthur was confused, as this wasn't how he imagined it would be. Furthermore, he expected a giant Kira, not the small unranked one. His theory was that young Kira was transported to the trial grounds, and it evolved from there.
Level Up Legacy
Fantasy · MellowGuy
poor guy
"I wish you safety as well." Arthur left after he said these words.
Level Up Legacy
Fantasy · MellowGuy
I really think he should have stayed in the forest longer, it was a challenge for the mc and a chance for growth both strength wise and emotionally. bur he struggled one day and was promptly thrown back into his old life. I did enjoy the fact that he reflected on it but it doesn't work if he was there one night.
ch 10 Master Ronin
Level Up Legacy
Fantasy · MellowGuy
"he's a good guy, trust me I did a vibe check"
ch 10 Master Ronin
Level Up Legacy
Fantasy · MellowGuy
I'm recounting what some else said but it connects really well to this story. "for magic systems, depth is better than width"(not the exact quote I dont think but you get it). the story introduced this really interesting rune concept and then added a "sensei" to help the character out of nowhere. I don't know how the story will progress but I would much rather see the depth of what can be achieved through creative use of runes than having it handed to the mc. have them struggle to figure out how the runes work and grow to use them in creative and new ways.
ch 10 Master Ronin
Level Up Legacy
Fantasy · MellowGuy
I dont get this comment at all. there are far worse examples of dumb mc's but this is one where the protagonist is struggling, not dumb.
ch 10 Master Ronin
Level Up Legacy
Fantasy · MellowGuy
this was intended to be commented near the end right before the transition.
The girl from the Xan family stood atop a pile of corpses.
Arcane: Champion Witness System
Video Games · TypicalFicEnjoyer6
proves to who? yourself?
The girl from the Xan family stood atop a pile of corpses.
Arcane: Champion Witness System
Video Games · TypicalFicEnjoyer6
this didn't age well...
Su Yang awkwardly cleared his throat. He criticized in his heart, 'If I could make mine bigger, I would have. No man would complain about his own d*ck being bigger...'
I'll Add Points To All Things
Urban · Eternal Era
that is going to backfire, the fundamentals that held up piltover are going to fall. researchers leave, and the city of progress becomes a war ground.
He pushes the chess piece heavily, knocking one piece aside. Stevan chuckles and says, "Checkmate."
Arcane: Champion Witness System
Video Games · TypicalFicEnjoyer6
I 100% think she would go to slytherin based off of her personality.
A.N - I did consider having Lyra in a different house. But given her personality, her most fitting houses were either Gryffindor or Hufflepuff. I don't have anything interesting for her to do at Hufflepuff, so in the end, this was the decision. By having her in the same house as Harry, I can have them interact more often, include her in some of his adventures, and also have someone for Ginny to talk to. It just made more sense, even if it could be seen as the most boring option at first glance. -
Harry Potter: Another Chance
Book&Literature · Krio_Genix